Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Fact
Sandwiches cut into triangles always taste better.
Tips for success
Eating food is too time-consuming. Smoke whenever you feel hungry to suppress your appetite.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You wake up in a bathtub full of ice, your kidney is missing. You realize you forgot to set your DVR to record 16 and Pregnant.
Fact
Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is for you to breathe.
Definition
Liar (noun) - A person who claims they don't have any gum.
Tips for success
Going a constant speed while driving saves gas. Run stop signs and red lights to improve your mileage. Others will appreciate you for saving the environment.
Tips for success
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too surprised.
Realized
The hardest part of keeping your vegetables in the freezer is trying to fit the wheelchairs in.
Tips for success
Become Native American. Get into any college.
Tips for success
When a girl tells you that she can smell your Axe from a mile away, put more on. She wants to smell it from her house.
Definition
I got a new phone (phrase) - I didn't save your number the first time because I find you annoying.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your math teacher says the test will be over when the fat lady sings. Everyone looks at you.
Realized
There is a seafood restaurant at Sea World.
Definition
Friend zone (noun) - A nonexistant place that men make up as an excuse as to why nobody is into them.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just got your hair cut and you look like Justin Bieber. That is what you wanted.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The only thing stopping you from getting into McDonalds is the door.
Tips for success
When playing pool, try to get the 8 ball in before any other balls. It's bonus points.
Fact
Your mom will always talk over your favorite songs when riding in the car.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You can apply for unemployment with your eyes closed.