Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
"It's the thought that counts" doesn't apply to exercise and dieting.
Signs that things aren't going so well
It's your birthday. You have no notifications on Facebook.
Fact
Math textbooks are the only place where Aaron, Muhammad, Sha'niqua, Juan, and Li go to the store to buy something together.
Fact
The amount a cat plays with a toy is inversely proportionate to how much the toy cost.
Fact
Your teacher will never hear you if you are correct, but they will always hear you if you are wrong.
Fact
Children in the dark make accidents, accidents in the dark make children.
Fact
Helen Keller was not allowed a driver's license. It is because she was a woman.
Realized
If a baby is born in Vegas, it has to stay there.
Definition
Social studies (noun) - The study of dead white guys.
Tips for success
If you ever want to go to the Sun, go at night so it's not too hot.
To do list
Grab a random kid by the shoulders and scream, "I'M YOU -- FROM THE FUTURE!!!"
Tips for success
Make your New Year's resolution 1440x900.
Tips for success
To get a song out of your head, you must yell the lyrics into the ear of the person nearest to you.
Definition
Bobby pins (noun) - The ninjas of hair accessories.
Definition
Froot Loops (proper noun) - Diversified Cheerios.
To do list
Go trick-or-treating on April 1st.
Tips for success
Never trust a teacher's advice about life after education, let's face it, they never left school.
Definition
Laffy Taffy (pronoun) - Questionable candy with two facepalms in the wrapper.
Tips for success
A pillow held firmly to your partner's face is an excellent cure for snoring.
Definition
Dilemma (noun) - Two very good songs on two different stations.