Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Signs that things aren't going so well
Fireworks explode out of your chest when you get excited.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - Being locked out of your car in the parking lot of an abortion clinic and having to go in and ask for a wire hanger.
Fact
You can skip the anti-piracy FBI warning on pirated DVDs.
Fact
We're all so mature until a friend comes along with bubble wrap.
Tips for success
Save money on a treadmill by walking up the down escalator.
Fact
The french fries belonging to the person next to you always taste better.
Realized
Life is too short to use single-ply toilet paper.
Tips for success
Stop showering. You will save water and girls will love how much you care about the environment.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just had your 35th birthday party at Laser Tag with your mother.
Tips for success
Tardiness on the first day of work is a good way to show your boss that you are a well rounded person who has higher priorities in life than work.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You honestly don't have anything more productive you could be doing right now.
Definition
Meteorologist (noun) - The only profession where you can be wrong 365 days of the year and keep your job.
Definition
College student (noun) - Someone who will never deny a free meal.
Tips for success
To save on your water bill, try to stop showering.
Fact
Life is expensive, but it comes with an annual free trip around the sun.
Fact
Escalators can never break down, they are only temporarily stairs.
Tips for success
If trapped on a deserted island, eat the skinniest person first, then use the fat one as a raft to float home.
Fact
The moment your mother describes an outfit as 'cute' it will lose its appeal.
Fact
The amount you want someone to text you back is directly proportional to how long they will take to respond.
Fact
The rings of Saturn are made entirely of lost luggage.