Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
To do list
Move to LA. Do drugs. Get sent to rehab. Meet tons of celebrities.
Definition
Family planning (verb) - The art of spacing your children the proper number of years apart to keep you on the edge of financial ruin.
Definition
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
Realized
Spiderman is just a teenage boy whose body goes through some changes and starts shooting sticky white goo all over the place.
Definition
Calculator (noun) - Home of a tiny Asian man.
Fact
Orangutans are the gingers of the monkey world.
To do list
Become a skydiving instructor. Pretend the parachute won't open.
Tips for success
When outside during a thunderstorm, stand under a tree. It will protect you from the rain.
Definition
I hate drama (phrase) - Said by people who love drama.
Tips for success
Eat lots of junk food. It makes your heart work harder and thus gives it more exercise.
Definition
Physics (noun)- The science where you use extremely long and complicated formulas to explain why a ball rolls.
Fact
No matter where you are or what time it is, you will always cringe when you hear the sound of an alarm clock.
Definition
Speed limit (noun) - Signs that tell people less important than you how fast to drive.
Fact
String cheese always tastes better when torn into tiny strips.
To do list
Take a caffeine pill and a sleeping pill before a test. See which one wins.
Fact
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Tips for success
When you have a dropped call, the uglier person should call back first to avoid both parties calling each other at the same time.
Tips for success
Always tell people when you dream about them. It will make them feel loved.
Tips for success
Sing the Pink Panther theme song when stealing things. This raises your stealth ability by 50%.
Tips for success
Save a tree, wipe with an owl.