Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Definition
I like your shoes (phrase) - Your shoes are hideous but you just complimented me so I need to say something nice to you.
Tips for success
Wear short-shorts. Girls like it when guys are confident.
Definition
Week before prom (noun) - When 82% of the girls in your school develop the skin tone of an Oompa Loompa.
Definition
Metrosexual (noun) - A person who is sexually attracted to public transportation.
Definition
Mother (noun) - Woman who gave birth to you and uses that as an excuse to make you do things for her.
Tips for success
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless you move to the other side.
Definition
Shower (noun) - The original autotune.
Definition
Gullible (adjective) - A commonly used word that is not found in the dictionary.
Definition
Share the road (phrase) - Don't hit the bikers who don't know how to follow laws.
Definition
Husband (noun) - A source of income.
Fact
It's not your necklace that guys like.
To do list
Dress up as a seagull, walk around stealing people's chips.
Definition
Bacon (noun) - A cure to vegetarianism.
Tips for success
When waterskiing, give your driver a thumbs up so he knows you like the speed he is pulling you at.
Realized
We buy trash bags, just so that we can throw them away.
Realized
When a cop tells you that you have the right to remain silent, you should probably stop talking.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You love cottage cheese... on women's thighs.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are the reason why your parents stopped having kids...
Tips for success
If you're ugly, move to England, pick up an accent, and then move back home.
Tips for success
Get plenty of cardio. When zombies take over the world you're going to be doing a lot of running.