Your daily exercise consists of putting on your skinny jeans.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your husband went on a business trip. He's unemployed.
Fact
Stephenie Meyer is more successful than you will ever be.
Signs that things aren't going so well
McDonald's is sending you Christmas cards.
Fact
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless you happen to have one of those friends that must Facebook everything.
Definition
Suspense (noun) - When you are just about to apply medicine to a cut and you aren't sure if it will sting or not.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are wearing your wedding dress to prom to save money.
Tips for success
If at first you don't succeed never fear, failure may be your thing...
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your thoughts are in the form of Facebook statuses.
Tips for success
Don't drink and drive. You'll spill the drink.
Definition
Homophobia (noun) - The fear of living outside of your closet.
Definition
Bittersweet (adjective) - Successfully popping every bubble on your bubble wrap sheet.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The words "racist" and "funny" are synonymous to you.
Fact
The amount you want someone to text you back is directly proportional to how long they will take to respond.
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