Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
If someone tells you, "You're dreaming pal!" kick them in the shin. It's ok because after all, it's just a dream.
Definition
Laffy Taffy (pronoun) - Questionable candy with two facepalms in the wrapper.
Fact
"False information" spelled backwards is "false information."
Definition
Pulp Fiction (noun) - A movie about orange juice and the lies that it tells.
Definition
Heaven (noun) - A plate of warm chocolate chip cookies AND a new tub of cookie dough.
Fact
You can tell a lot about a person just by looking at their car. For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.
Tips for success
Date ugly guys. They're less likely to cheat.
Fact
A watched text never gets a response.
Definition
Pilgrims (noun) - The original illegal immigrants.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
To do list
Find someone who thinks people are basically good, kill them.
Signs that things aren't going so well
People scream as you pass them in a haunted house.
Tips for success
Girls are competitive about the size of their boobs. Stare at your favorite pair to show your support.
Tips for success
Make cat videos on YouTube.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are repeatedly asked to put the lotion in the basket.
Fact
The phrase, "Hey guys, watch this!" never ends well.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The Cookie Monster becomes the Veggie Monster.
Definition
Studying (noun) - The period of time when your room just begs to be cleaned.
To do list
Buy an axe. Yell "random axe of kindness" and throw it at someone.
Definition
Relief (noun) - When your girlfriend gets her periods.