Tips for success
When looting, always consider the value to weight ratio in order to plunder efficiently.
Tips for success
If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up.
Fact
Roses are red, but violets are not blue.
Realized
Quotes are just legal plagiarism.
Fact
On average, humans have one testicle.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just lost a game of "rock, paper, scissors" to Edward Scissorhands.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You have the biggest boobs in your group of friends. You are a man.
Definition
Cat (noun) - A bipolar creature which would as soon gouge your eyes out as it would cuddle.
Tips for success
Never drink and drive. You might spill it going around a corner.
Fact
When your teacher is lecturing you, there is no appropriate place to look without feeling awkward.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You say you need a drink, and everyone automatically assumes you're referring to alcohol.
Definition
Mother-in-law (noun): Someone who has an irrational hatred for you.
Definition
Slut (noun) - A woman with the morals of a man.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Rick Astley gave you up.
Tips for success
After the third time you ask someone to repeat something and you still can't understand them, just nod your head and smile.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just got paid in Trident layers gum.
To do list
Buy a turtle. Name it "The Speed of Light." Tell everyone that I can run faster than "The Speed of Light."
Definition
Diploma (noun) - A piece of paper that shows you knew how to use Wikipedia and cheat for four years.
Definition
Love (noun) - A word you put between "I" and "you" when you want something.
Fact
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
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