Realized
Life has gone downhill ever since I stopped making blanket forts.
Definition
Labor day (noun) - The day that is celebrated all across America by getting a day off work.
Realized
Dead people who believe in re-incarnation should have "BRB" written on their tombstones.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You burn your neck with your curling iron on purpose so it looks like you're getting some action.
Definition
Karma (noun) - The law that if you don't replace the toilet paper you will be the first to use the bathroom again.
Realized
Sneezing is only cute when animals do it.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You make words plural with a "z" instead of an "s" because you think it makes you look cool.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You lost 200 pounds. You live in England.
To do list
Make two cakes. This way, you can have your cake and eat it too.
Tips for success
Tell a woman how much more beautiful she is when she's cooking or cleaning.
Definition
Joy (noun) - When you eat a raisin muffin only to discover it's actually chocolate chip.
Realized
A gorilla is like an unexplained metaphor.
Fact
Your favorite song will always come on the radio when you arrive at your destination.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The doctor's inspiration for your nose job was Lord Voldemort.
Definition
Bra (noun) - A device for catching potato chip crumbs.
To do list
Go to Civil War reenactment. Murder strangers.
To do list
Open club in Alaska. Name it "Baby Seals."
Realized
If only the good die young does this mean my grandma is evil?
Definition
Old (adjective) - Point at which the candles cost more than the cake.
Definition
Bath (noun) - The only place where you can lie in your own filth and not be criticized for it.
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