Tips for success
Lift with your back. It's the strongest part of your body.
Realized
Being a child is more fun as an adult.
Definition
I may be coming (phrase) - I have no intention at all of attending your party.
Tips for success
Get plenty of cardio. When zombies take over the world you're going to be doing a lot of running.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You can type "facebook.com" faster than your own name.
Tips for success
When your parents tell you to improve your grades, fail all your classes to give them a parenting challenge.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You have to cut the red wire to disable the bomb. You're colorblind.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're using the gravitational pull from your immense obesity to attract food.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You used to babysit your new stepmom.
Fact
They call candy "Fun Size" because "Disappointing" doesn't fit on the packaging.
Definition
Good try (phrase) - You just failed, but I'm trying to be nice.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Snooki thinks you're too tan.
To do list
Buy an elephant. Put in room.
Definition
Spring (noun) - Time to start shaving again.
Tips for success
It takes over 40 muscles to frown at someone in disappointment, and only 4 muscles to reach out and slap them. Do the math.
Definition
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
Realized
Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.
Fact
Strangers always have the best candy.
Fact
Roses may be red, but violets are definitely violet.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The really hot girl beside you just said "SAFETY!"
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