Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Fact
Waldo wears stripes, because he doesn't want to be spotted.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Gwen Stefani is the only reason you know how to spell "bananas."
Fact
Circles are completely pointless.
Fact
Everybody is weird. It's the normal ones that stick out.
Tips for success
Be obnoxious and completely unlikeable. You'll either get a record deal or your own TV show.
To do list
Buy a pet. Name it Peeve.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just met your future spouse... at a family reunion.
Definition
Just saying (phrase) - A way to make insults sound like observations.
Tips for success
High School Diploma (noun) - Google + Sparknotes.
Tips for success
Rip off your shirt. Act like a wolf. Girls love it.
Definition
Spell check (noun) - The only reason you don't sound like a complete idiot on the Internet.
Tips for success
To give your car a little extra energy, simply add sugar to the gas tank.
Definition
Guilty (adjective) - When your friend falls, you laugh and then realize they're actually hurt.
To do list
Make a Where's Waldo action figure. Don't put him inside the box.
Definition
Vegetarian (adjective) - Ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can't hunt or fish.
Tips for success
Go to a playground with your new-born baby. When someone says "That's such a cute little baby!" tell them that's why you kidnapped it.
Tips for success
There is always money in the banana stand.
Definition
At least it can't get any worse (phrase) - What you say to challenge the universe into making your day even more terrible than it already is.
To do list
Go to the Container Store. Ask where you can find something to contain a body.