Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
Nudists don't have to worry about tan lines.
To do list
Release body fluids on blank canvas. Call it modern art.
Tips for success
When applying to college make sure to accentuate that you are a white middle class American.
Tips for success
If you are looking for more color in your diet, try adding Fruit Loops to every meal.
Realized
All Fruit Loops taste the same.
Realized
Love is the worst kind of fiction.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You've never successfully entered a verification code.
Tips for success
Don't draw on people's faces unless you are absolutely sure that they're sleeping or too slow to catch you.
Tips for success
Eating food is too time-consuming. Smoke whenever you feel hungry to suppress your appetite.
Definition
Miracle (noun) - When you get the USB in on the first try.
To do list
Get an F- in Algebra. Convince parents that two negatives equal a positive.
Definition
Cigarette (noun) - A small cylindrical object with smoke at one end and a fool at the other.
Definition
Wedding rings (noun) - An expensive pair of tiny handcuffs.
Fact
Dogs have owners. Cats have slaves.
Definition
I'm almost there (phrase) - I'm still doing my hair and haven't left yet.
Definition
Tribute bands (noun) - Musicians who are too lazy to write their own songs.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your teacher says the current math unit won't be over until the fat lady sings. Everyone looks at you.
Realized
People say pigs can't fly, but swine flu?
Realized
For all we know, gummy bear vitamins could be gummy bears.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The person who just finished giving you a prostate examine snapped off their gloves and said, "the doctor will be with you in a few minutes."