Fact
Every time you read a statistic that states it's physically impossible to do something you immediately try it.
Realized
The Amish will never read this.
Definition
Terrifying (adjective) - When you see a spider in your room but it’s gone before you can get something to kill it with.
Fact
For blind people it's always a blind date.
Fact
How much you like your crush is directly proportionate to how much they dislike you.
To do list
Put blue Gatorade in a Windex bottle. Drink it in public.
Tips for success
In golf, the best players score under par. You can apply this winning mentality to your own life by striving to be subpar.
Fact
You are never more than 10 feet from a spider.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are planning your own surprise birthday party...
To do list
Tell small children that the ice cream truck only plays music when there is no more ice cream.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You find yourself disappointed after realizing the movie "300" isn't about bowling.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You put your Farmville score on your resume.
Fact
If nobody sees you eat it, the calories don't count.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your bedbugs are starting to spend quality time with you during the day as well.
Tips for success
If someone can't take you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best. Be on your worst behavior on first dates to weed out the applicants.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You don't recognize half of the fruits in Fruit Ninja.
Fact
Farting is a lot like assassinating someone. If you stand around for too long, people will start thinking it was you.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Forrest Gump was your most cited source on your Vietnam War term paper.
Realized
The words "verb" and "adjective" are nouns.
Tips for success
Try drinking a gallon of milk in one hour. Milk is a great source of calcium.
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