Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your muffin top turned into a cake.
Tips for success
When on a date always be texting. It will make her think you're really important.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your stepmom is younger than you.
To do list
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of a store that doesn't have valet parking.
Fact
The highest amount of fear you will ever experience in your life is the moment you skip a step on the stairs and your heart momentarily stops beating.
To do list
Tell kids we are going to Disney Land. Drive kids to old burnt out factory. Tell kids Disney Land burned down.
Definition
Idiot (noun) - Anyone driving slower than you.
Definition
I'm a people person (phrase) - I have no important skills whatsoever.
Definition
Mother (noun) - Woman who gave birth to you and uses that as an excuse to make you do things for her.
Definition
Facebook (noun) - Birthday reminder.
To do list
Eat several boxes of cereal. Tell people I'm a cereal killer.
Tips for success
If you are told that you are showing too much skin at work, cover your body in tattoos.
Tips for success
It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty, just as long as you drink it through a crazy straw.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are an electrician. You live in an Amish community.
Definition
Ironic (adjective) - Vegan animal crackers.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - The moment when you put your dirty plate in the sink when somebody is doing the dishes.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your mustache is growing in nicely. You are a woman.
Definition
DNA (acronym) - National Dyslexics Association.
Definition
Bobby pins (noun) - The ninjas of hair accessories.
Tips for success
To make easy cash, set up a lemonade stand in a busy place. Perhaps in the middle of a highway.