Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Signs that things aren't going so well
You thought your intervention was going to be a surprise birthday party.
To do list
Put empty cereal box in cabinet. Watch family members have disappointment for breakfast.
Fact
There are much more productive things that you could be doing right now.
Definition
Depressing (adjective) - When one reads in a recipe that the food item must be chilled overnight.
Definition
Christmas (noun) - A holiday where you spend money you don't have to buy people you don't like gifts they won't use.
To do list
Go to a volleyball game. Wait for first serve. Run onto court screaming "WILSON!!!"
Definition
Slut (noun) - A not-for-profit porn star.
Fact
There is no difference between boredom and hunger.
Tips for success
Constantly switch car insurance agencies, because no matter what, you will always save hundreds by doing so.
Definition
Gummy bears (noun) - Edible voodoo dolls.
Realized
Taking off a band-aid hurts more than the actual cut.
Definition
OMGZZZ (acronym) - The mating call of tweens everywhere.
Fact
Parents tell you not to talk to strangers but encourage you to make friends.
Realized
People who fire you for being on Facebook at work, are on Facebook at work.
Definition
Father's Day (noun) - The most confusing day of the year if you live in the ghetto.
Definition
Diet (noun) - Adding regret to your eating patterns.
Definition
Friday (noun) - Optimum time for getting down.
Definition
Orthodontist (noun) - A person you pay inordinate amounts of money to torture you.
Definition
Beanie Babies (proper noun) - Something you wasted thousands of dollars on in the late 1990's.
Tips for success
Turn your clocks ahead one week early to insure a smooth transition to day light savings time.