Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Definition
Best friend (noun) - What you call a person when you can rummage through their fridge unattended and not feel awkward.
Definition
Lunatic (noun) - Anyone who likes the moon.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You spell your name with an $.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You ask to sign your friend's yearbook, they hand you a pencil.
Realized
It's hard to convince your grandma you're not hungry.
To do list
Find someone wearing camouflage. Walk into them. Say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there!"
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're on the high school football team. You're a girl.
Signs that things aren't going so well
That moment when your see your cat run away with bacon that was meant for you.
Realized
Pregnancy is the world's most celebrated STD.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are able to use your stomach as an armrest.
Fact
Everything you do is 100 times louder when you're in the library.
Definition
The best feeling in the world (phrase) - When you check your alarm clock and you still have 3 hours to sleep.
Tips for success
In order to save you an extra trip to the bathroom, eat on the toilet.
Realized
Disney Movies have taught me to hate my parents and depend on boys to kiss me and save me from harm.
Definition
Period (noun) - Punishment for not getting pregnant.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're the reason the clothing company changed their "One Size Fits All" label to "One Size Fits Most."
Realized
Cinderella was the only person with that shoe size in the whole kingdom.
To do list
Buy a knife. Name it kindness.
To do list
Procrastinate gardening outside. Tend to plants on Farmville.
Definition
Happy Birthday (phrase) - I don't know you, but we're Facebook friends.