Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
To do list
Change iPod name to "Titanic." Download new songs. Be amused by the fact that the Titanic is syncing.
Tips for success
Women like men that are mysterious. Always wear a mask.
Definition
Cat (noun) - Something you think is cute, but is obviously plotting your demise.
Fact
If it's cold enough to wear uggs, it's not hot enough to wear booty shorts.
Tips for success
When someone says, "break a leg," they mean to break someone else's leg. This is considered good luck in many eastern cultures.
Definition
Babysit (verb) - To get paid to watch TV and eat other people's food while doing your homework.
Realized
At one point in history it required talent to become a singer.
Definition
Are you ticklish? (phrase) - I am going to touch you.
Definition
Adulthood (noun) - Waking up from a nightmare and realizing there's no bigger bed to climb into.
Realized
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting another woman fatter than her.
Definition
Friend (noun) - One of the many strangers on Facebook.
Tips for success
The best day to ask girls out is April Fool's Day. That way if she says no, you can act like you were joking.
Definition
Keychain (noun) - A ring invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
Definition
Workaholic (noun) - A person who is addicted to workahol.
Tips for success
Shove animals into tiny balls then force them to fight for you.
Fact
Most Australians carry a wombat with them in the pouch of their riding kangaroo, just in case.
Realized
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Tips for success
To soothe sore or dry throats, try drinking a bottle of lotion.
Tips for success
If you have a bad cough, take a large amount of laxatives. That way you'll be too afraid to cough.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You lost 200 pounds. You live in England.