Signs that things aren't going so well
You have zero Facebook notifications. It's your birthday.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - Giving a paraplegic a standing ovation.
Tips for success
Gargle bleach to kill the germs your mouthwash can't.
Definition
Internship (noun) - Modern day slavery.
Definition
Pregnancy (noun) - Nine month period of a relationship where the man becomes a slave.
Fact
Just because you're beautiful on the outside doesn't mean you're not ugly on the inside. For example, kittens are cute and cuddly on the ouside but if you were to cut one open it would be slimy and gross on the inside.
Definition
Perforation (noun) - Where paper is intended to tear, but doesn't.
Tips for success
Instead of wasting money on a vasectomy, just wear skinny jeans.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your ex-boyfriend on vacation in France sends you a postcard that says "Wish you were her." It wasn't a typo...
Tips for success
Expiration dates mean nothing.
Tips for success
When updating your resume, use "txt spk" to show future employers that you can keep up with modern trends.
Definition
Awkward (noun) - Using your left hand to get something out of your right pocket.
Fact
Karma is actually really nice you just have to get to know her.
Definition
Horror (noun) - What you feel when you realize your friend genuinely likes Justin Bieber.
Realized
If the story about Rudolph were true the other reindeer wouldn't suddenly love him. They'd be seething with jealousy and make fun of him even more.
Tips for success
When your boss makes a terrible joke, inform him. He will appreciate your feedback so that he can be funnier next time.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your inner voice speaks in Facebook status updates.
Signs that things aren't going so well
People scream as you pass them in a haunted house.
Tips for success
If trapped on a deserted island, eat the skinniest person first, then use the fat one as a raft to float home.
Definition
Disappointment (noun) - When you realize that your chocolate bunny is hollow.
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