Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Definition
Irony (noun) - Your antidepressant medicine can increase suicidal thoughts.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You attend a university, online.
Realized
On a special occasion, girls with straight hair curl it and girls with curly hair straighten it.
Definition
Elastic (noun) - A fat girl's best friend.
Fact
Everything you do is 100 times louder when you're in the library.
Tips for success
Studies show that attraction is based off of signs of fertility. Get pregnant to become more attractive.
Tips for success
Drink gallons of water at a time to prevent future dehydration.
To do list
Steal donut truck. Be amused while cops chase after donut truck.
To do list
Walk to fridge. Return to seat disappointed. Repeat.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You leave parties because you have to "feed your pets." Your pets are Webkinz.
To do list
Open up a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Throw away the lid.
Definition
Slug (noun) - A homeless snail.
Tips for success
Make girls think you're a busy, successful person by responding to their texts with one word answers.
Tips for success
Whenever someone complains that a room is hot, ask if they would like you to leave.
Realized
There is no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in suck.
Fact
No one is as ugly as their drivers license picture, or as good-looking as their Facebook profile picture.
Tips for success
Texting while driving is dangerous. Be sure to practice constantly to improve your abilities.
Definition
Haha (noun) - This conversation is now over.
Tips for success
If someone tells you to stop and smell the flowers, kick them in the face without slowing down.
Definition
Alone (adjective) - When the five-second rule becomes the five minute rule.