Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
Whenever you lose something, buy a replacement. The old one will turn up shortly thereafter.
Definition
Muffin (noun) - Cake masterfully disguised as breakfast food.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
Definition
Literally (adjective) - Figuratively.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You start off a tub of ice cream by throwing the lid away.
Tips for success
When swinging on the swings at a playground, if you decide to dismount with a flip, make sure to land on a small child or dog. They will help to cushion your landing.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The next date with your girlfriend is in court.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your favorite restaurant's new slogan is "Now made with real meat!"
Definition
Mixer (noun) - Where a fraternity and sorority get together to spread STDs.
Realized
The orange and green Fruit Loops are secretly Apple Jacks.
Fact
If it's cold enough to wear uggs, it's not hot enough to wear booty shorts.
Definition
I'm not book smart, I'm street smart (phrase) - I'm not real smart, I'm imaginary smart.
Tips for success
When applying for a job, make your references some of your Facebook friends. Your boss will appreciate your tech savvy.
Tips for success
Do whatever your Rice Krispies tell you to do.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You check behind your shower curtain, there actually is a murderer.
Fact
If someone is yelling "I would never hurt you," or something of that nature, while chasing you with an ax, gun or some other kind of weapon, they're lying.
Realized
Gorilla's are a lot like unexplained metaphors.
Realized
Mario is just an Italian man on a bad shroom trip.
Tips for success
Bite the hand that feeds you, it lets them know that you're still hungry.
Definition
October 1st (noun) - The first day of Christmas, according to malls everywhere.