Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
To do list
Create a machine that pairs socks with their long-lost pair. Make millions.
Definition
Platypus (noun) - What happens when there were left over parts from other animals.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You hooked up with a hot girl at a party. It was your family reunion.
Fact
If facebook ever shut down you would see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in peoples faces screaming "Do you like this?! DO YOU?!"
To do list
Start a men's sexy underwear store. Call it Victor's Secret.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're so weird that people at your school won't even take gum from you.
To do list
Go to WalMart. Follow someone. When they ask what you're doing, respond, "Playing non-consensual follow the leader."
Tips for success
It's a fact that all drinks taste better after being shaken, especially carbonated drinks. Be sure to shake vigorously for optimal taste.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You put your Farmville score on your resume.
Definition
Unicorn (noun) - When a narwhal and a horse love each other very much...
Definition
Midwife (noun) - People helping people get people out of people.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You recently threw out your toothbrush. Your brother complains that his toothbrush is missing.
Definition
Kindergarten teacher (noun) - Someone who makes the little things in life count.
Tips for success
Instead of reading your high school English books, listen to Taylor Swift's songs. She really knows her classic novels.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You finally found that 20 dollar bill you were looking for. It was in your fat folds.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your new step-mother is younger than you.
Realized
I only use Google Maps to see which of my neighbors has a pool, so I can be friends with them.
Fact
An accent makes you ten times more attractive.
Definition
Frustration (noun) - When your hair finally looks perfect on the first day of break.
Definition
Swimming pool (noun) - Pee soup.