Tips for success
Make sure to leave all your windows and doors open when you have the air conditioner on. It will help cool down the earth and slow global warming.
Fact
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Fact
Giggle (verb) - Something grown men do whilst carrying out an immature activity.
Realized
In The Little Mermaid, Ursula sings the song "Poor Unfortunate Souls." Ariel's a ginger.
Realized
Scented markers don't taste at all how they smell.
Fact
You will inevitably make a grammar mistake while pointing out someone else's grammar mistake.
Definition
You're a really nice guy (phrase) - I will never ever date you.
Definition
Tomorrow (noun) The day you think you'll actually want to do all the stuff you don't want to do today.
Realized
Taylor Swift has no idea what happened after Romeo and Juliet got married.
Definition
Irony (noun) - When girls complain about being fat while eating ice cream
Definition
Vanity (noun) - When you think this definition is about you.
Fact
You can lead an idiot to water but you need rocks to make him sink.
Definition
Speed limit (noun) - Speed minimum.
Fact
You always feel more intelligent when you talk in a British accent.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your girlfriend says "it's the thought that counts" after sex.
Definition
Break dancing (verb) - having a seizure on a piece of cardboard.
Tips for success
When applying for a job, make your references some of your Facebook friends. Your boss will appreciate your tech savvy.
Signs that things aren't going so well
A pair of sweatpants and fairly-clean underwear is your idea of "going-out" clothing.
Realized
Luke Skywalker is more disturbed about Darth Vader being his father than knowing he made out with his sister.
Realized
Your mom's recipes are vague and confusing on purpose, so you'll be forced to call her.
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