No matter where you are or what time it is, you will always cringe when you hear the sound of an alarm clock.
Fact
No matter how much sleep you get, you will always be tired when waking up at a time before 7am.
To do list
When dead, be buried in a spring-loaded casket full of confetti. Now wait for an archaeologist to have one heck of a day at work, some time in the future.
Definition
Hipster (noun) - Someone who pays attention to pop culture more than a normal person would so they can avoid conforming to it.
Definition
Creeped out (adjective) - When you're absolutely, positively sure that your pets are winking at you.
Tips for success
When you stub your toe, kick the object responsible so that it may feel your pain.
Tips for success
To prevent global warming, turn on your air conditioner as high as it will go. Then open all your doors and windows.
Fact
The show you're watching is completely G rated until your parents walk in.
Definition
Facebook (noun) - A place where teenage girls show off their phones and bathrooms.
Fact
You will never make as much money as Snookie.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You scored the winning goal. It was for the other team.
Realized
All crayons taste like wax.
Even the "orange" ones.
Tips for success
Bring an expensive hooker on a first date with a girl. It will show her you have money.
Tips for success
To strengthen your relationship with your daughter, try bringing up her period at the dinner table.
To do list
Buy a chameleon, put it on a mirror, see what colour it turns.
Fact
The letter X is used more in math than it is in the English alphabet.
Fact
The ultimate test of self control is sitting next to bubble wrap and leaving it alone.
Tips for success
There is always money in the banana stand.
Definition
Wikipedia (proper noun) - A website claimed to be unreliable by teachers, but the only reason you got A+'s on all of your papers.
Tips for success
Facts
Signs that things aren't going so well
Realized
To do list
Definitions
Popular
Moderate
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