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Definition
Compromise (noun) - An agreement whereby both parties recieved what neither of them wanted.
To do list
Buy 67 watermelons. When people stare, tell them you are doing research for a math project.
To do list
Buy a guitar. Learn three chords. Call Disney.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - When you're describing to your friend something funny that happened in class, and then you realize that they're in the same class.
Definition
Internet (noun) - The reason you are failing high school.
Fact
If snakes hiss at you, they want you to pet them.
To do list
Pretend to be a telemarketer when a telemarketer calls.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You have 6 fingers on your right hand. You just met a man named Inigo Montoya.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Taylor Swift writes a song about you.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You go to a clinic so frequently that the nurses know you by your first name. It's an abortion clinic...
Tips for success
The lower a person's pants hang off of them, the cooler they are. To be the coolest person ever, simply wear no pants.
Fact
The hipster fox hibernates in the summer. He is underground before it becomes cool.
Tips for success
Be sure to constantly remind people of everything you have ever accomplished. They will feel honored to be in the presence of someone with so much success.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Nobody on the short bus will sit next to you.
Tips for success
If you are accused of something, you might as well do it.
Fact
No matter what book you're reading, it will always be #1 on the Best Seller's List.
To do list
Make an online dating site for bullies. Name it intimidating.com.
To do list
Teach kids that obesity is cool by riding in a wheel chair and getting to the front of the line at Disney World.
Tips for success
You can never have too many fanny packs.
Tips for success
Drink coffee before bed. That way you will wake up with plenty of energy and won't have to waste valuable time making coffee.