Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your friend just suprised you. You poop easily.
Tips for success
Throw knives at people when they least expect it. They will appreciate you testing their reflexes.
Tips for success
To hide hickies, apply a tourniquet to the neck.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your parents bring their work home with them. They're morticians.
Definition
You're so photogenic! (phrase) - You're ugly in real life.
Realized
Michael Jackson warned us all that he was bad back in 1987, we just weren't listening...
Definition
Collection (noun) - An excuse to buy a bunch of worthless stuff that you already have too much of.
Fact
If you are in a hurry every old person in town will be driving in front of you.
Fact
Whenever you lose your phone, it's going to be on either vibrate or silent.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your cats mistake your unshaven legs for their scratching posts.
Definition
Hope (noun) - The first step towards disappointment.
Realized
A video of humans having sex is pornography. A video of animals having sex is a documentary.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your last name is "Kardashian."
Definition
Chocolate (noun) - A woman's high calorie substitute for happiness.
To do list
Open history textbook. Announce, "I see dead people!"
Signs that things aren't going so well
You spend over 20 hours a day sleeping at random intervals. The time that you are awake you spend licking yourself and begging for food and attention. You're not a cat.
Realized
The ground must love me a lot, it catches me every time I fall.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The only place that you can find love is in the dictionary.
Tips for success
To help combat global warming, turn on all the air conditioners in your house.
Tips for success
If you have to get a blood transfusion make sure to get tiger's blood.