Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Definition
I'm going to bed (phrase) - I'm tired of texting you.
Tips for success
A week before going to the dentist, don't brush your teeth or floss. Your dentist will appreciate the challenge.
Tips for success
If you dislike your village, go live in the jungle. You'll find singing bears and friendly panthers who will feed you.
Tips for success
To save time and money, just wear all the clothes you plan to bring on vacation to avoid checked baggage fees at the airport.
Definition
Coffee table (noun) - The place where everything is put except for coffee.
Fact
Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking...
Tips for success
When winter comes and everyone else is freezing, remember that increasing circulation by slapping people will make them warmer.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're using your emergency pair of underwear. It's an upside down t-shirt.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just got paid in Trident layers gum.
Definition
Desk (noun) - An uncomfortable pillow.
To do list
Go up to your alarm clock when it's sleeping and yell "How does it feel?!"
Definition
Vegetarian (adjective) - Ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can't hunt or fish.
Tips for success
Eating jars of mayonnaise will "fill in" dents caused by cellulite.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your boomerang didn't come back.
Tips for success
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too surprised.
Realized
If meat is murder, then dairy is robbery.
Fact
You will always feel significantly better when you arrive at the doctor's office.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're waiting for a train. You don't know where this train will take you.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your Sim had it's first kiss before you did.
Fact
You always remember the question you missed on the test about 5 seconds after you turn it in.