Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Fact
When your favorite song comes on the radio, your mom suddenly has something to talk to you about.
Tips for success
Garlic and onions have been scientifically proven to be natural aphrodisiacs. Eat them in mass quantities before your dates.
Definition
Fart (noun)- Something whose smell and noise is directly porportional to the number of people in the room with you.
To do list
Go to a football game. Hold up a sign that reads "The Guy Behind Me Can't See."
Fact
Even though you will work on your homework for an hour straight, the second you step away from it to check something, your parents will barge in and ask why you aren't doing your work.
To do list
Adopt oriental kid. Dominate spelling bee.
Fact
Double-negatives are a no-no.
Fact
Pinatas are victims of child abuse.
Fact
A duck's opinion of you is largely influenced on whether or not you have bread.
Tips for success
Save a tree, eat a beaver.
Realized
My American flag was made in China.
Signs that things aren't going so well
All of those nasty rumors about you turn out to be true.
Realized
Eating junk food after working out doesn't defeat the purpose, it justifies the cause.
Tips for success
Help stop over-population. Become a serial killer.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You tell people you have a lot of friends. What you don't tell them is you mean all 10 seasons.
To do list
Walk into Sea World with a fishing pole.
Fact
You will always have something extremely important to say when your mouth is full.
Realized
Piracy is the only socially acceptable job for amputees.
Realized
90's kids constantly brag about their childhood shows but fail to recognize that their entire generation is characterized solely by the cartoons they watched.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You walk outside and you start to sparkle.