Definition
Classic novel (noun) - A book which people praise but seldom read.
Fact
You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice.
Fact
As soon as you convince everyone that you're right, you'll realize that you're wrong.
Fact
The day that you don't have something is always the day that you need it most.
Realized
The Monopoly Man owns Pringles.
Fact
9 in 10 doctors believe that 1 in 10 doctors are idiots.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just tried to buy a can of elbow grease.
Fact
The day which you choose to wear the most unattractive piece of clothing you own will be the day you meet the most attractive person you know.
Tips for success
Never apologize, it's a sign of weakness.
Realized
Helen Keller was the perfect woman.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just found a video of yourself talking about rainbows on Youtube.
Tips for success
If you want to get hired as a teacher, hang around a local school and wear sunglasses and a moustache.
Tips for success
Steal a cop car and patrol the city. The police force will appreciate your willingness to serve the public and reward you.
Realized
Sirius Black's middle name could be Lee.
To do list
Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo.
Definition
Happiness (noun) - When you roll onto the warm spot your laptop left in your bed. See also: loneliness.
To do list
Cross-breed horse and narwhal. Make unicorn.
Realized
College students in 8:00am classes are probably the closest thing to zombies that the world will ever have.
Realized
We live in a society that teaches how to not get raped instead of teaching to not rape.
Definition
Hopeless romantic (adjective) - A nice way to say "desperate."
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