Signs that things aren't going so well
Donald Trump is running for president.
Definition
Frustration (noun) - Attempting to hunt down those last few cherrios in your bowl of milk.
Fact
They call the candy "Fun Size" because "Smaller than Normal" sounds depressing.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You want to incorporate the feng shui philosophy in your new room. Your cellmate disagrees.
Realized
If "guns don't kill people, people kill people", then toasters don't toast toast, but toast toasts toast.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You call yourself ugly for attention. People agree with you.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You clean your room to avoid studying.
Tips for success
Chocolate will heal sadness and help shed pounds off of your waistline. Eat it whenever possible.
To do list
Feed cat some yarn. Hope it gives birth to mittens.
Tips for success
Socks and sandals are fashionable. If people make fun of you, it's because they feel inferior to your supreme intellectual abilities.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're in an awkward situation. You don't have a cell phone to fake text on.
Tips for success
When dining alone, buy enough food for two and spread it around the table. It will look like you're waiting for a friend for at least half the meal.
Definition
Birthday (noun) - A day where you feel really popular because 50 people you have never talked to wrote on your Facebook wall.
To do list
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones, reroute neighborhood.
Realized
Bernie Madoff was your retirement plan.
Definition
Confidence (noun) - Writing "Answer Key" at the top of your test paper.
Definition
Cynical (adjective) - Realistic.
Realized
Harry Potter came out of the closet at age 11.
Tips for success
Muscle weighs more than fat. Stop exercising, eat lots of junk food and watch the pounds shed off.
Tips for success
Don't cry over spilled milk... unless it was part of a five-dollar drink from Starbucks.
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