Realized
String cheese really makes it hard not to play with your food.
Definition
Buying designer clothes (verb) - Paying too much to show off that you paid too much.
Realized
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
Realized
"The truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder...
Definition
Run (verb) - What you do between turning off the light and getting in bed.
Realized
The Pope is the oldest virgin in the world.
To do list
Smack kid in the face with bottle of Johnson's No More Tears shampoo. Sue Johnson & Johnson for false advertising.
Definition
Making breakfast (verb) - Your boyfriend's way of insuring that you will have dishes to wash when you get home from work.
Tips for success
Never shower. Your natural pheremones will build up, and the ladies will be more attracted to you than ever.
Definition
Hellen Keller joke (noun) - An incredibly efficient way to find out if your friends have a sense of humor.
To do list
Sit next to the kid in class with a stutter. Yell "remix" when they talk.
Tips for success
If your parents have company coming over, make sure you clean your room. It will be the first place they want to see and will judge you harshly if anything is out of place.
Tips for success
Save money by using wood putty to fill cavities instead of going to the dentist.
Tips for success
Get out of bed every once in a while.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You ask a stranger how to get to your classroom on the day of your final.
Tips for success
To encourage your girlfriend to lose weight, hang pictures of supermodels all over your house. She will appreciate the inspiration.
Realized
You know you're old when you go to your HIgh School reunion and all the handicap parking spaces fill up first.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your last name is Lester. Your parents decied to name you Mo.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The foreign exchange student thinks you're weird.
Realized
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
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