To do list
Live forever or die trying.
Definition
You know what I mean (phrase) - Used when two best friends are too lazy to finish their sentence.
Tips for success
Be the first to jump off a bridge to eliminate any chances of following a friend.
Tips for success
Always log into StumbleUpon right before a deadline to get your creative juices flowing.
Realized
It is socially acceptable to wear a bikini around a pool but not your bra and underwear.
Fact
You know you are sick, when your clothes become tissues.
To do list
Go to a football game, hold up a sign that reads "The guy behind me can't see."
Definition
Cramming (verb) - Those five minute before the exam when your procrastination comes back to haunt you.
To do list
Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA!"
Definition
Hospital food (noun) - Instant remedy.
To do list
Go to Civil War reenactment. Murder strangers.
Realized
A gingerbread man with a house made of gingerbread is like a person with a house made from people.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just went into labor. You had no idea you were pregnant.
Definition
Sunburn (noun) - A hangover for skin.
Realized
Harry Potter came out of the closet at age 11.
Definition
Joy (noun) - When you eat a raisin muffin only to discover it's actually chocolate chip.
Fact
Teen pregnancies rapidly decrease after the age of 20.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your date to the dance malfunctions when someone accidently spills water on her.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your therapist requests a restraining order from you.
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