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Fact
A computer once beat me at chess, but I won when we played kick ball.
Definition
Metrosexual (adverb) - Someone who really likes bulidings.
Fact
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk, it is one of the few animals that can make its own custard...
Realized
The starving children in Africa will still be starving even if you don't eat all your food.
Definition
Happiness (noun) - Turning to the page you wanted on the first try.
Definition
Teenager (noun) - Someone who is well prepared for a zombie apocalypse but not for tomorrows math test.
Tips for success
Ignore your coworker's wishes to not be touched, they are simply being shy.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your entire acting career is your 30 second spiel in a hermoids commercial.
Definition
Christmas (noun) - When you get a few weeks off from school in order to open presents from a magical bearded fat man. Life does not get more awesome than this.
Fact
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel good.
Signs that things aren't going so well
He actually does just want to cuddle.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Clicking the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button on Google is your idea of a risk.
Definition
Just kidding (phrase) - A phrase used to get away with something you said and fully meant.
Fact
Every time Miley Cyrus sings, God kills a kitten.
Signs that things aren't going so well
A hipster is interested in dating you, only because you're not cool.
Definition
Irony (noun) - Dropping your iPhone in Apple juice.
To do list
Go to doctor's office. Bring apple.
Tips for success
Always carry a permanent marker. You never know when you'll need to write something lame on a bathroom stall wall.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You realized you are one of the ugly people your friend surrounds herself with to make herself look better.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're too young for 16 and Pregnant.