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Fact
There are 3 levels of pain: pain, excruciating pain, and stepping on a Lego.
To do list
Walk up to a random person in the airport. Tell them to not get on the plane. Run away.
Realized
They sell seafood at Seaworld.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You leave parties because you have to "feed your pets." Your pets are Webkinz.
Tips for success
Kill people with kindness, if that doesn't work, use a knife.
Definition
Firefox pop-up blocker (noun) - A pop-up that lets you know that they blocked a pop-up.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The flux capacitor is broken.
Fact
Even if you swear it's there, a fruit fly will always make others question your sanity.
Fact
If someone has five dogs, they're an animal lover, but if they have five cats, they're crazy.
Tips for success
Women love a man in uniform. Go clubbing in your McDonald's uniform.
Fact
Dogs have owners. Cats have slaves.
Definition
CLASS (acronym) - Come Late And Start Sleeping.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your idea of getting high is eating a whole bottle of Flinstone Gummies.
Fact
People are 75% more likely to believe what you have to say when there is a statistic involved.
To do list
Spend thousands of dollars on college education. Get free school t-shirt.
Definition
We really want to have children (phrase) - We really want to have children so we can ruin their lives and make them do all our chores.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your mom is showing you pictures of when she was young. You're on a porn site.
Realized
If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money to answer questions.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The only compliments you get are from Dove chocolate wrappers.
Fact
Stop signs are for people less important than you are.