Definition
Awkward (adjective) - When you fall asleep watching a movie on HBO and wake up in the middle of the night watching porn.
Definition
Jury (noun) - 12 people who decide which client has the better attorney.
Realized
Every car on the side of the road at night looks like a cop car.
Definition
Bored (adjective) - Hungry.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just read the directions on the back of your soap dispenser. Turns out you've been doing it wrong.
Tips for success
When trying to lose weight, midnight sugary treats such as chocolate cake can really boost the metabolism that extra little bit.
Tips for success
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You think someone is trying to steal your role as Swan Queen.
To do list
Destroy the gnome that keeps tangling my iPod headphones.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your girlfriend wants to tell you something. She wants to do it on the Maury Povich Show.
To do list
Make two cakes. This way, you can have your cake and eat it too.
Realized
Easy Bake Ovens are not the same thing as microwaves.
Tips for success
Toast tastes so much better when you make it while in the bathtub.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You discovered that your mentor is a part-time waiter at Denny's.
Definition
School (noun) - A place to test your texting-without-looking skills, and make paper-mache volcanos.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The creepy man in the white van refuses to let you in.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - The silence that occurs when you accidentally spit on the person you're talking to.
Fact
Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking...
Fact
If you can't say "something nice", you might need speech therapy.
Tips for success
Don't worry what people think. They don't do it that often.
EVERYTHING WITHIN A MILLION PIXEL RADIUS OF HERE, COPYRIGHT © GROUCHYRABBIT.COM - CONTACT US - FEEDBACK - TERMS AND PRIVACY