Tips for success
If a midget ever tells you, I'm not happy, ask them, then which one are you?
Signs that things aren't going so well
The scar on your forehead is burning.
Fact
If you give a mouse a cookie, he will want a glass of milk. If you give a teenage boy a marker, he will draw a penis.
Signs that things aren't going so well
There is a 3D movie about Justin Bieber.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your twin forgets your birthday.
Tips for success
If asked which child is yours while standing by a playground at the park, reply with, "I haven't decided yet..."
To do list
Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot."
Realized
Math problems are the only place where someone can buy 60 watermelons and no one wonders why.
To do list
Change Facebook name to "No One." Like people's statuses...
To do list
Marry a guy named Jessie. Have a girl named Stacy. Become Stacy's mom and Jessie's girl.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're in Hufflepuff.
To do list
Put blue Gatorade in a Windex bottle. Drink it in public.
Fact
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.
To do list
Go to Ikea. Hide in wardrobe. When someone opens wardrobe yell "FOR NARNIA!!!!!!!!"
Fact
69% of people can find something dirty in every sentence.
Definition
Single (adjective) - A man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen.
Tips for success
To make sure no boys will ever write poems about your daughter, name her Orange.
Tips for success
When a kid makes faces at you through his bus window, follow him home and make faces at him from his bedroom window at night.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You have Asian parents. You got a B+.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You step out into the sun and you begin to sparkle.
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