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Flashlight (noun) - A container for dead batteries.
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Bitter (adjective) - What you become when you overdose on sarcasm.
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Let's hang out sometime (phrase) - I feel bad that we don't talk anymore, so I hope saying this makes me feel better, even though we both know it isn't going to happen.
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We should hang out soon (phrase) - I know for a fact we're not going to be hanging out soon but I want to end this awkward conversation as quickly as possible.
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Canada (noun) - A frozen wasteland above the United States.
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Girlfriend (noun) - Someone who is generally ten to fifteen pounds heavier than you wish.
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Guy stuff (phrase) - Phrase used by guys to avoid explaining things to girls. Used mainly in relationships.
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Younger siblings (noun) - Reminders that your parents still have sex.
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You had to be there (phrase) - That sounded so much funnier in my head...
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Friends (noun) - Enemies that just haven't attacked you yet.
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Awkward (adjective) - The way casting directors must feel when they are selecting somebody to play the role of the ugly weirdo.
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Gullible (adjective) - A word commonly found written on ceilings.
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Physics (noun)- The science where you use extremely long and complicated formulas to explain why a ball rolls.
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Christmas (noun) - A day of presents as a reward for putting up with the people in your life all year.
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Algebra (noun) - What happens when mathematics has sex with the alphabet.
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Happiness (noun) - When your car's sun visor actually covers the sun.
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Cocaine (noun) - The only reason Americans know the metric system.
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Orthodontist (noun) - A person you pay inordinate amounts of money to torture you.
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Vegan (noun) - Someone who slaughters defenseless fruits and vegetables.
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Super Bowl (proper noun) - The only time that you go to the bathroom during the show and come back for the commercials.