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Eating (verb) - When there is nothing else to do.
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You had to be there (phrase) - What people add to the end of stories they thought were funny when no one laughs.
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There's no food in the house (phrase) - We are out of cookies and ice cream.
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Christmas (noun) - When you get a few weeks off from school in order to open presents from a magical bearded fat man. Life does not get more awesome than this.
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First day of school (noun) - When all of your classmates come back looking slightly more attractive than the year before.
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Christmas present (noun) - An annual supply of socks that you will never wear.
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Crush (noun) - The only person in the world who never has anything to say to you.
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Confidence (noun) - Leaving the house without deleting your internet history.
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Winter (noun) - The time of year when the heating bill is balanced by not buying women's razors.
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Disapppointment (noun) - Dropping an Oreo in your milk and it falling apart before being able to pick it back up to eat it.
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Awkward (adjective) - The moment when you put your dirty plate in the sink when somebody is doing the dishes.
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Consciousness (noun) - That annoying time between naps.
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Anger (noun) - When you get all cozy in your bed and then realize there is something you forgot to do.
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Junk (noun) - Something you keep for years and then throw away one week before you need it.
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School (noun) - A place to test your texting-without-looking skills, and make paper-mache volcanos.
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Gross tonnage (noun) - Unit of measure in which fat ugly people are weighed.
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Multitasking (verb) - When you sneeze, fart and cough at the same time.
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Bi-wining (adjective) - You're in denial about how miserable and pathetic your life has become.
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Call us when you're headed home (phrase) - Your father and I will be having sex, so if you don't want to see us getting it on, I would suggest giving us a call.
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You had to be there (phrase) - That sounded so much funnier in my head...