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Lunatic (noun) - Anyone driving faster than you.
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Karma (noun) - We cut paper, paper cuts us.
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Sarcasm (noun) - The brain's natural defense against the less intelligent.
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Laugh track (noun) - Device used to tell stupid people when to laugh at unfunny TV shows.
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I think so (phrase) - I want to say "yes," but don't want to be held accounted if the answer is "no."
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Waffle (noun) - A plaid pancake.
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Getting a pedicure (verb) - Having people insult you in Vietnamese.
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Weight loss program (noun) - A program that helps you lose weight, become tan, get a better haircut, and whitens your teeth.
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Irony (noun) - A gay guy wearing a straight jacket.
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Happy Birthday (phrase) - I don't know you, but we're Facebook friends.
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Joy (noun) - When you open the freezer and find ice cream you didn't know was there.
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Awkward (adjective) - When you're singing along to a song and the artist gets the lyrics wrong.
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Teenager (noun) - Someone who is well prepared for a zombie apocalypse but not for tomorrows math test.
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Laughter (noun) - When a smile has an orgasm.
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Axe Body Spray (noun) - Girl repellant, when applied liberally.
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Birthday (noun) - Womb eviction day.
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Awkward (adjective) - When your fat friend complains about being fat.
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Pharmacist (noun) - A legal drug dealer.
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I'm an adult (phrase) - What a grown person says when they're acting like a child.
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Thesaurus (noun) - The book that is also a dinosaur.