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Old (adjective) - Point at which the candles cost more than the cake.
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Vodka (noun) - Truth serum.
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Shower (noun) - A place for nonexistent murderers to hide.
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Awkward (adjective) - When you walk out of the handicap stall and there is a person in a wheelchair waiting for you to finish in an empty bathroom.
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Facebook (proper noun) - Place where all the best laid plans for finishing your homework go to die.
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Cheerleader (noun) - A girl whose mother always wanted to be popular in high school.
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Horror (noun) - The moment when you hear a plop in the toilet and realize your phone is no longer in your pocket.
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Feet (noun) - A device used for finding Legos in the dark.
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Oh, you shouldn't have! (phrase) - I don't have a gift for you. Now I feel bad.
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Telephone booth (noun) - A place to change into a super hero, have promiscuous sex or advertise for cellular phone plans.
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Zombies (noun) - The only men that will love you for your brains.
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Coffee (noun) - The person upon whom one coughs.
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Irony (noun) - telling Lord Voldemort he's being nosy.
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We should hang out (phrase) - I hope I never run into you again.
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Guilty pleasure (noun) - Sitting on a warm toilet seat.
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Push-up bra (noun) - A lie.
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High School reunion (noun) - The old fashioned way of seeing how fat everyone got.
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Vegetable (noun) - Ranch dip retrieval device.
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Cat (noun) - Something you think is cute, but is obviously plotting your demise.
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Awkward (adjective) - When the guy in the white windowless van driving you home drives past your house.