Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
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Boomerang (noun) - A frisbee for lonely people.
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Stapler (noun) - The sewing machine of the ghetto.
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Terror (noun) - The moment before you dive into bed after turning the lights off, when you're sure the monsters are about to get you.
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Excitement (noun) - What you feel when the city or state you live in is mentioned on TV.
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I'm tired (phrase) - I'm lazy and don't want to talk to you.
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Thong (noun) - A sexy wedgie.
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Planet (noun) - Something that shows up on your face just before prom.
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Embarrassing (adjective) - When your friends ask you who you like, and you have to lie because your biggest crush is a fictional character.
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Awkward (adjective) - Being locked out of your car in the parking lot of an abortion clinic and having to go in and ask for a wire hanger.
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Not to be racist (phrase) - I'm about to say something racist.
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The ocean (noun) - World's largest urinal.
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Disappointment (noun) - When you pour yourself a bowl of cereal before you discover there's no milk.
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Awkward (adjective) - Looking into someone's eyes while eating a banana.
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Vintage (adjective) - Paying top dollar for something really old.
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Kindergarten teacher (noun) - Someone who makes the little things in life count.
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Alcohol (noun) - A therapist that you can visit seven days a week.
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The Debt Ceiling (noun) - The only time when raising the roof isn't totally awesome.
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Heaven (proper noun) - That cool spot in the sheets on a hot summer night.
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Friend (noun) - One of the many strangers on Facebook.
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Witty retort (noun) - Something you think of long after it's needed.