Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
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Comebacks always sound better in your head.
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Abercrombie sells clothes by showing pictures of people with no clothes on.
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Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is for you to breathe.
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A Sharpie sees more bathroom walls and sleeping people's faces than it does paper.
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You are now thinking about pink elephants.
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A world without bears would be unbearable.
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You will always get annoyed by the little triangle the windshield wipers leave behind.
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You and the bus will never be late on the same day.
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If you stare at the sun for 5 minutes, it'll go away.
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When someone starts a sentence with "With all due respect," one must automatically know there is no respect, at all.
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Sarah McLachlan is the leading cause of changing channels.
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There are much more productive things that you could be doing right now.
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Once your headphones are in, everyone starts talking to you.
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What you don't know won't kill you, unless it's your allergen information.
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Only the ugly pictures of you from the party get tagged.
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Your mom will always decide to vacuum during climactic parts in whatever you're watching.
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Men lose 72% of their testosterone after putting on a pair of Crocs.
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If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
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All generalizations are bad.
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A bite of someone else's food will always be the best thing you've ever tasted.