Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
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If you took every Twilight fan and laid them end to end around the equator, a lot of them would drown or get run over or eaten by lions.
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If you are in a hurry every old person in town will be driving in front of you.
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The more homework you have to do, the more ways you will find to distract yourself on the internet.
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Baby juggling is illegal in 48 states.
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You are 15 times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
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If I had an ice cream truck, it would turn into a regular truck in about a half hour.
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You will never run out of shampoo and conditioner at the same time.
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It's not your necklace that guys like.
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You're not what you eat. A cannibal who eats a vegetarian, is not a vegetarian...
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Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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9 in 10 doctors believe that 1 in 10 doctors are idiots.
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The last 2% always takes the longest to download.
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If a guy doesn't like you, obviously it's because he is gay.
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A Sharpie sees more bathroom walls and sleeping people's faces than it does paper.
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The morning you need to be at work early is the morning your alarm clock will not go off.
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A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
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Stop signs are for people less important than you are.
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There are suddenly a million things to do online when a paper is due the next day.
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Anyone who says there's no such thing as a stupid question, has obviously never worked in customer service.