Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Fact
Being overweight is all gravity's fault.
Fact
80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.
Fact
You should be doing your homework right now.
Fact
The pig is the best recycling system. Feed it an apple, it makes Bacon.
Fact
Food is always better when it is someone else's.
Fact
You will always feel significantly better when you arrive at the doctor's office.
Fact
The only question your teacher will ever ask you is the one you don't know the answer to.
Fact
When life gives you lemons, chop the crap out of them. They're worth a lot of points in Fruit Ninja.
Fact
Hipsters don't like rivers, too mainstream.
Fact
If I had an ice cream truck, it would turn into a regular truck in about a half hour.
Fact
The Spongebob macoroni and cheese will always taste better.
Fact
All radio stations have commercial breaks at the same time.
Fact
I'm great in bed. I can sleep for days.
Fact
If a couple in love are called Love Birds, then a couple who've fought should be called Angry Birds.
Fact
Four people are admitted to British hospitals every year due to biscuit related injuries.
Fact
Putting on a seat belt will be ten times more difficult when an attractive person is in the car.
Fact
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Fact
No matter what time you said you preferred, the only math class available in college will always be at 8 AM.
Fact
Alligators are more afraid of you than you are of them.
Fact
No matter how much effort you put into it, you will never repack anything as well as it was packed when you bought it.