Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Fact
Scoring well on a grading curve is like outrunning a bear. You don't have to be fast, just the fastest.
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As soon as you hold a Sharpie marker in your hand, you automatically want to draw on everything.
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When you drop an item on the floor while at a laundromat it will always be your most embarrassing pair of granny panties.
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Every book is a New York Times best seller.
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You never have to pee more than until after you have laid down in bed.
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Friends are like lollipops, if you lick them enough they disappear.
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Everyone loves tickling others, but no one likes to be tickled.
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If it's a good movie, it's not on Netflix.
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Yellow snow is lemonade flavored and high in vitamin P.
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As soon as one stops getting acne, one gains wrinkles.
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If people didn't exist, unicorns would.
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Working in retail will make you despise humanity.
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The sound of your mothers voice, yelling at you to get up in the morning, will always make you cringe.
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You will always have to open a door after putting on hand lotion.
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Sharks are underwater vampires.
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Nothing sucks more than that moment when you realize you're wrong but it's too late to admit it.
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Eat whatever you want. Nutrition is a myth.
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People will never hear what you say until you say "Never mind!"
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Sometimes when the internet is down, one forgets that the rest of the computer still works.
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You should be doing your homework right now.