Fact
You always forget about the cut on your hand until you put on hand sanitizer.
Fact
There's always that one weird kid in your class and if you can't tell who it is, I have some bad news for you.
Fact
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Fact
You never really know a person until you go through their medicine cabinet.
Fact
The slowness of the car in front of you is directly proportional to how late you are.
Fact
The better the party, the less you remember.
Fact
Bad people are punished by the police, good people are punished by Murphy's Law.
Fact
You are living proof that your parents had sex.
Fact
Yellow snow is lemonade flavored and high in vitamin P.
Fact
You are supposed to be doing something way more productive right now.
Fact
It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you...
Fact
No matter how much food is in your house, there is nothing good to eat.
Fact
Sandwiches always taste better when cut into triangles.
Fact
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Fact
You can't say "happiness" without saying "penis."
Fact
What you don't know won't kill you, unless it's your allergen information.
Fact
If people didn't exist, unicorns would.
Fact
If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
Fact
No matter how much you try to prevent it, the toaster will always scare you when the toast pops out.
Fact
The only thing worse than having a heart attack during charades is having a heart attack while playing a game of fake heart attack.
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