Fact
Friends are like snowflakes. When you pee on them, they disappear.
Fact
Black holes are the places where God divided by zero.
Fact
If someone builds an idiot-proof system, nature builds a better idiot.
Fact
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, a hipster probably bought the soundtrack.
Fact
"The problem with quotes found on the internet is that they're not always accurate." - Abraham Lincoln.
Fact
You are never too old to run up the stairs on all fours.
Fact
Your neighbor's lawn service will always show up at 7 am on any day you're able to sleep in.
Fact
Living increases your risk of dying.
Fact
People will always ask you a question right after you put food in your mouth.
Fact
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to your ability to reach it.
Fact
When leprechauns die, they turn into Lucky Charms.
Fact
There is a ninja standing behind you right now.
Fact
You will always have to open a door after putting on hand lotion.
Fact
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Fact
Draco Malfoy's best comeback will always involve ensuring his father hears about whatever you just did.
Fact
The average human has enough bones to make a skeleton.
Fact
Your complexion is perfect until you have somewhere important to go.
Fact
Balloons make a funny sound when you kick them, just like babies.
Fact
You will always have at least one bruise on your body that you don't know where it came from.
Fact
When a dementor sucks out your soul, your skin gets freckles and your hair turns red.
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