Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
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Most people love their family members until they are all in the same room.
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Girls get mad if you lie to them. They get mad if you don't tell them they're pretty. Sometimes you have to pick one.
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A hamster will explode if left in a hot car.
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9 out of 10 people approve of gang rape.
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Normal people only floss the day before a dental appointment.
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Everything increases your risk of dying.
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You are more likely to die on your way to buy a lottery ticket than to win the lottery.
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At the end of the day, life goes on. Unless you die...
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You are what you eat. For example, if you eat a cannibal, then you are a cannibal.
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There will never be enough hours in the Sunday before midterms.
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Taylor Swift doesn't know how Romeo and Juliet ended.
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A British narrator can make any documentary awesome.
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I'm great in bed. I can sleep for days.
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Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
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Whatever doesn't kill you makes you easier to kill next time.
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Dogs can grow beards all over.
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Say something rude about a white person, nothing. Say something rude about a black person, you're racist.
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Nobody knows how or when they actually fall asleep.
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The average American produces 1 ton of trash per year. That's where the cast of Jersey Shore came from.