Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Fact
You never have to pee more than until after you have laid down in bed.
Fact
Blind people will never see things your way.
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If you eat crayons, you'll poop rainbows.
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Laughter is the best medicine... except for treating diarrhea.
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No matter what you order at a restaurant, someone elses food will look better.
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Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
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Your hair will always and only look super amazing right before you take a shower or go to bed.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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No one is as disturbed as they should be by the fact that the prince in Snow White had to kiss a corpse in the middle of the woods surrounded by seven midgets.
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The only thing worse than having a heart attack during charades is having a heart attack while playing a game of fake heart attack.
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If your dog is fat, you probably aren't getting enough exercise.
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Volkswagen invented the Beetle so people could have an excuse to punch strangers.
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Turning on all the lights in the house when thinking that there is someone trying to kill you is only going to make you an easier target.
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The Spanish word for wife is the same as the Spanish word for handcuffs.
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Six out of seven dwarves aren't Happy.
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No matter where you live, the hot guys will always be somewhere else.
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Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive.
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Your brain intentionally plans for your dream to end at the best part.
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It is impossible to be intimidating when you've got the hiccups.
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Snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them. But when snakes get scared, they start biting people...