Fact
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, a hipster probably bought the soundtrack.
Fact
As soon as you click the X on your frozen browser, it will un-freeze and work perfectly right before closing.
Fact
"False information" spelled backwards is "false information."
Fact
Children are like farts, the only ones you can stand are your own.
Fact
Snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them. But when snakes get scared, they start biting people...
Fact
Whenever you have to pee really badly, you will be wearing an item of clothing that is nearly impossible to get off.
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Everything you do is 100 times louder when you're in the library.
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You can never have too many cats, or too many outfits to dress them in.
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You will always have to open a door after putting on hand lotion.
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Putting on a seat belt will be ten times more difficult when an attractive person is in the car.
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Nothing you show your friend is ever as funny as when you watch it by yourself. However, when they show you something, it's the funniest thing in the world.
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The 5 second rule does not apply to dropping babies.
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Everyone eats about a cup of dirt in their lifetime. Go eat one now to get it over with.
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Every time someone says they need to talk to you, you think about all the bad things you've done recently.
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Boys will always love you. Well, parts of you.
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The wizarding world was never proven to not exist.
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If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
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Your parents will always treat your friends better than they treat you.
Fact
You will know you're legitimately famous when you die and half of the population continues to believe you are somehow, somewhere, alive.
Fact
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.