Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Fact
When life gives you lemons, chop the crap out of them. They're worth a lot of points in Fruit Ninja.
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Your hearts will never be symmetrical, no matter how hard you try to draw them.
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It is impossible to look attractive while blowing your nose.
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There are two types of teenagers in high school; those who are obsessed with acting like little kids again, and those who are obsessed with the process of making little kids.
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The moment you buy something full price, it will go on sale.
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Keys open doors, but bricks open windows.
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You always have to sing the alphabet song to see which letter comes next.
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Escalators can never break down, they are only temporarily stairs.
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THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD GOES BACK TO NORMAL, when the caps lock is turned off.
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You will inevitably make a grammar mistake while pointing out someone else's grammar mistake.
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Your neighbor's lawn service will always show up at 7 am on any day you're able to sleep in.
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The letter X is used more in math than it is in the English alphabet.
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If Africa eats America, most of world hunger AND obesity will disappear.
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No one is as ugly as their drivers license picture, or as good-looking as their Facebook profile picture.
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Doing drugs is like a doing a harmonica solo. You feel really cool, but you really just look like an idiot.
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"Googling yourself" is never going to sound like anything but a euphemism.
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You will know song lyrics after one time hearing them. You won't know the answers on a test you studied hours for.
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The difference between employment and unemployment is pants with elastic waistbands.
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5 minutes early for bus, bus is 15 minutes late. 2 minutes late for bus, bus is 5 minutes early.
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"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a terrible way to tell your child that they're adopted.