Fact
The likelihood of a guy being a jerk is directly proportional to how low he wears his pants.
Fact
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Fact
You will never need to go to the bathroom as badly as when you're fumbling with your belt buckle.
Fact
The Spanish word for wife is the same as the Spanish word for handcuffs.
Fact
Once your parents leave the driveway, every closet in the house holds a waiting murderer.
Fact
Six out of seven dwarves aren't Happy.
Fact
Your hearts will never be symmetrical, no matter how hard you try to draw them.
Fact
The lesser of two evils is still evil.
Fact
Glue sticks work just as well as Chap Stick.
Fact
No matter what you order at a restaurant, someone elses food will look better.
Fact
Everyone tries to sing the beginning of the Lion King.
Fact
You will always clip your fingernails on the day you need them the most.
Fact
It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you.
Fact
If someone has five dogs, they're an animal lover, but if they have five cats, they're crazy.
Fact
Every time you see an overweight person in a wheelchair, you will now wonder if that person is overweight because they're in a wheelchair, or are in a wheelchair because they're overweight.
Fact
"Queue" is the only English word that sounds the same when the last four letters are removed.
Fact
If guns kill people, then spoons made Rosie O'Donell fat.
Fact
Hogwarts is the only school where students actually want to do their homework.
Fact
Your Facebook status is funny until your mom comments on it.
Fact
You will always open the fridge thinking good food will magically appear.
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