Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
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Not all women are annoying, some are mute.
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Stressed is just "desserts" spelled backwards.
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Gingers are good for two things, being made into delicious ginger snaps and not being good for anything else.
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I'm great in bed. I can sleep for days.
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Forgiveness sounds like screaming, and then silence.
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Your brain intentionally plans for your dream to end at the best part.
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When you turn 11 and you don't get a letter from Hogwarts you sadly assume that it's because wizards don't exist. It isn't until years later that you come to the horrifying realization that maybe you're just a muggle.
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Homework will always take ten times longer to do when you are sitting in front of a computer.
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The highest amount of fear you will ever experience in your life is the moment you skip a step on the stairs and your heart momentarily stops beating.
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Driving makes you hate people.
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Productivity is inversely proportional to how much time is left before your project is due.
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Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.
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Whatever doesn't work will magically be fixed as soon as you try to prove to someone that it is broken.
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Imagine a person of perfectly average intelligence. 50% of the world is dumber than him.
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As soon as one stops getting acne, one gains wrinkles.
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Your report card will always come out as soon as you want to ask your parents for something.
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Turning on all the lights in the house when thinking that there is someone trying to kill you is only going to make you an easier target.
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He who laughs last has the cleanest mind.
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You will never be as comfortable at night when trying to sleep, than you were that morning before you had to get out of bed.
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5 minutes early for bus, bus is 15 minutes late. 2 minutes late for bus, bus is 5 minutes early.