Fact
You will never make as much money as Snookie.
Fact
People will never hear what you say until you say "Never mind!"
Fact
The more calories a food has, the better it tastes.
Fact
Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children.
Fact
If you give a mouse a cookie, he will want a glass of milk. If you give a teenage boy a marker, he will draw a penis.
Fact
That "empty space" in a crowded parking lot, will ALWAYS be a small car or motorcycle just out of view.
Fact
If you use a lot of commas, you end up, sounding really smart, see, it's true.
Fact
The phrase "I am" is the shortest sentence in the English language. "I do" is the longest.
Fact
The lane you are driving in will always be the slowest.
Fact
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to your ability to reach it.
Fact
Condoms prevent minivans.
Fact
You never brush your teeth as good as when you have a dentist appointment.
Fact
When attempting to sneak around, everything becomes 10 times louder.
Fact
You will never run out of shampoo and conditioner at the same time.
Fact
If you tell a girl something, you might as well scream it through a megaphone. It's faster that way.
Fact
Every movie is the #1 movie in America.
Fact
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
Fact
You have never used an entire stick of chapstick.
Fact
Few women admit their age, fewer men act theirs.
Fact
The day which you choose to wear the most unattractive piece of clothing you own will be the day you meet the most attractive person you know.
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