Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Fact
Cool Whip and Miracle Whip are interchangeable.
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You never brush your teeth as good as when you have a dentist appointment.
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9 in 10 doctors believe that 1 in 10 doctors are idiots.
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Dolphins are so smart that upon being taken captive, they can train humans to throw them fish!
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It is impossible to be intimidating when you've got the hiccups.
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The person that you hate the most will always like all your favorite things and ruin them all for you.
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Your cat will never be as cute as the cats you see online.
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Chuck Norris's patronus is Chuck Norris.
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When leprechauns die, they turn into Lucky Charms.
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If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, that means one enjoys it.
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If a girl turns you down, she must be a lesbian.
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You are never more than 10 feet from a spider.
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Someday people will look back on high heels the same way we look back on Chinese foot binding.
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42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber...
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Things are a lot funnier when you are trying not to laugh.
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Farting is a lot like assassinating someone. If you stand around for too long, people will start thinking it was you.
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You will spend more time looking for your remote than the time it would take to manually change the channel.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but I won when we played kick ball.
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When someone starts a sentence with "With all due respect," one must automatically know there is no respect, at all.