Realized
Cookie dough works with my raw-foods diet. Loophole!
Tips for success
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless you move to the other side.
Fact
There is no appropriate response when someone tells you that you say "Sorry" too much.
Definition
Yoga pants (noun) - When sweatpants and leggings have a baby.
Definition
Shower (noun) - A place for nonexistent murderers to hide.
Definition
Week before prom (noun) - When 82% of the girls in your school develop the skin tone of an Oompa Loompa.
Definition
Childhood (noun) - When you didn't have to be drunk to make stupid decisions.
Definition
Men's skinny jeans (noun) - The government's way of preventing teen pregnancy.
Tips for success
If the hot guy at school is moody, sleepy-looking and avoiding you, be sure to follow him. He is most definitely a vegetarian vampire and is SO into you.
Tips for success
When you find a bridge, jump first. That way, everyone will know you're a leader and not a follower.
Fact
When you have a fat friend, there are no such thing as see-saws, only catapults.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are the one who let the dogs out.
Realized
The professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, but can not fix a boat.
Definition
Laugh (verb) - What you do when the person that sped past you and flipped you off for going too slow is pulled over 15 miles later.
Tips for success
Bite the hand that feeds you, it lets them know that you're still hungry.
Definition
Modern art (noun) - Society's invention to make talentless artists feel better about themselves.
Realized
When you're drunk, toilets and sinks are synonymous.
Realized
Johnson & Johnson No More Tear Shampoo doesn't work when watching Toy Story 3.
Fact
You are supposed to be doing something way more productive right now.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're the fool receiving pity.
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