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Definition
Giant spider (noun) - Nature's reminder that you are, in fact, a little girl.
Realized
Toilet paper sales went down when push-up bras came out.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're cured from Bieber Fever. You now have the Black Plague.
Fact
When you write the word "women" backwards you get "nemow" which means "kitchen" in Icelandic.
Definition
Seriously (adverb) - The moment you pull your clean clothes out of the washer and they fall on the dirty floor.
Fact
The pig is the best recycling system. Feed it an apple, it makes Bacon.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You slept with the professor and still failed the class.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The only pencil in your pencil case is your eyeliner.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just insulted your brother with a yo mama joke.
Definition
There's no food in the house (phrase) - We are out of cookies and ice cream.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You put your Farmville score on your resume.
Realized
Baby powder plus water does not equal baby.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your latest visit to the bathroom ended up with you being featured on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.
Realized
Facebook is the one place your friends can openly 'like' the fact that you are recently single.
Definition
Caps Lock (noun) - Billy Mayes mode.
Fact
The Spanish word for wife is the same as the Spanish word for handcuffs.
Definition
We're taking the scenic route (phrase) - We're lost, but I'll never admit it.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're clearing dinner dishes from your bathroom.
Definition
Irony (noun) - Rebecca Black performing on America's Got Talent.
Definition
Autotune (noun) - Photoshop for singers.