Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Definition
I may be coming (phrase) - I have no intention at all of attending your party.
To do list
Throw Snickers bar in only heated pool at club. Have pool all to self.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You only buy the 12 piece chicken nugget meal because you're trying to watch your weight.
Fact
The "i" before "e' rule is weird.
Definition
Lent (noun) - A second chance to fail at your New Year's resolution.
Realized
Being tall means people always ask you to get things off the top shelf. Therefore asking short people to pick things up from the ground is reasonable.
Tips for success
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The oven timer and the fire alarm are interchangeable when cooking your dinners.
Realized
When life gives you melons, you end up working at Hooters.
Fact
Whenever you're thinking "Don't pick me" in class, you're going to be picked.
Tips for success
If checking the fridge for a desired food, check back again in two minutes. The food you want will have magically appeared.
Tips for success
If you're attending a funeral, laugh loudly during the service. This helps to lighten the mood and make people feel better.
Fact
Nothing you show your friend is ever as funny as when you watch it by yourself. However, when they show you something, it's the funniest thing in the world.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You go to a Halloween costume contest without a costume. You win 1st place.
To do list
Replace deodorant with white chocolate. Eat in public.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The call is coming from inside the house.
Definition
Real women have curves (phrase) - A wide-spread excuse to be overweight.
Tips for success
That friend with a bladder control issue? I bet a surprise party would really cheer them up a lot.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You have to continually remind yourself that the characters of Glee and Harry Potter aren't real.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're too old to get into your own senior prom.