Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Definition
Lmao (acronym) - A synonym for 'lol' that makes you seem more invested in a conversation.
Realized
People who wear sweatpants usually aren't the ones sweating.
Definition
Ironic (adjective) - Vegan animal crackers.
Fact
Things are a lot funnier when you are trying not to laugh.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You need more than one tape measure to measure your waist.
To do list
Pretend to be a telemarketer when a telemarketer calls.
To do list
Drown one synchronized swimmer. See what happens to the rest.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your friend just suprised you. You poop easily.
Definition
Friday (noun) - Optimum time for getting down.
To do list
Call friend. Pretend friend was the one calling me.
To do list
Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "sorry for the damage." Watch their priceless reaction.
Tips for success
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, therefore eating gallons and gallons of ice cream will make you stronger.
Realized
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Realized
Dolphins are gay sharks.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Snooki thinks you're too tan.
Tips for success
Don't be afraid to choke on donuts. The hole in the center is for ventilation.
Realized
Voldemort is a lot like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a favourite ring and necklace, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.
Fact
Pandas are Black, White AND Asian.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your wife is four months pregnant. You've been deployed for the past year.
Tips for success
When your fat friend calls herself fat, agree with her. She will appreciate your honesty.