Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
When window shopping, a brick can double as cash.
Realized
The other side must use good fertilizer.
Tips for success
Save a tree, wipe with an owl.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The only cottage cheese in your entire house has made a home on your thighs.
To do list
Stand near automatic door. Request tips.
Definition
SCHOOL (acronym) - Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Lives.
Definition
Google Translate (proper noun) - The only reason you passed Spanish.
To do list
Dress up in a chicken costume. Cross the street.
To do list
Marry a guy named Jessie. Have a girl named Stacy. Become Stacy's mom and Jessie's girl.
Tips for success
When you drop your phone, dropkick it to break its fall.
To do list
Get bitten by a radioactive spider.
To do list
Set out milk and cookies. Wait for revenge. End Christmas forever.
Fact
At the end of the day, life goes on. Unless you die...
Definition
Rain (noun) - Nature's way of telling you that your hair doesn't look so good today, and you should start over.
Signs that things aren't going so well
No one recognizes you without your makeup on.
To do list
Buy Hannah Montana socks. Step on her face regularly.
To do list
Walk up to a random person in the airport. Tell them to not get on the plane. Run away.
Definition
Yummy (adjective) - Used to describe food that tastes like crap, because you don't want to insult the person who made it.
Realized
"Yell for help" is not in the list of top 100 things to do before you die.
Tips for success
Whenever one of your friends starts reading a new book, tell them the ending. They will appreciate how much time you saved them.