Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Definition
In a good way! (phrase) - What you exclaim after you've said something offensive.
To do list
Paint with all the colours of the wind.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just found out that the word "gullible" is, in fact, in the dictionary.
Tips for success
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise your head and say, “In Jesus' name, Amen.”
Fact
You can blame absolutely everything on your parents. It's either genetics, or how they raised you.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your boss is eating the poison cupcakes intended for your annoying coworker.
Fact
It is impossible to watch just one youtube video.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You think of the perfect insult... long after the argument is over.
Fact
Everyone eats about a cup of dirt in their lifetime. Go eat one now to get it over with.
Realized
Everything in life that is any fun is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Definition
Wikipedia (website) - the website teachers don't allow you to use because they're jealous that it didn't exist when they were your age.
Realized
If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
Fact
Alcohol (noun) - The cause and solution to all of the world's problems.
Tips for success
The older the pedestrian, the more bonus points they are worth.
Definition
Good try (phrase) - You just failed, but I'm trying to be nice.
Definition
Forever (noun) - Until I find someone who's hotter and more fun to be with.
Realized
People who fire you for being on Facebook at work, are on Facebook at work.
To do list
Walk into a competely empty room. Say out loud "I know you're listening." Freak the heck out of a government agent.
Tips for success
Get married on February 29th, this way you only have to buy your wife flowers once every four years.
Definition
Burps (noun) - Your mouth's memories.