Mom says no cake for breakfast but then serves dense cake covered in liquid sugar, also known as pancakes.
Tips for success
If all else fails, stop using all else.
Realized
Teachers call it, "going to the bathroom," students call it, "this is boring, I'm leaving..."
To do list
Dress up as Waldo on picture day. Turn your yearbook into your own personal Where's Waldo book.
Fact
If you'd like to see what your handwriting was like in first grade, try writing your name on Windows Paint.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Facebook forgot your birthday.
Fact
The moment you buy something full price, it will go on sale.
Fact
Once your parents leave the driveway, every closet in the house holds a waiting murderer.
Tips for success
Always log into StumbleUpon right before a deadline to get your creative juices flowing.
Definition
Social suicide (phrase) - Publicly admitting that you like Twilight.
Tips for success
To encourage your girlfriend to lose weight, hang pictures of supermodels all over your house. She will appreciate the inspiration.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just insulted your brother with a yo mama joke.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Life gives you lemons, you're just happy to finally have something to eat.
Fact
Not all people with mustaches are pedophiles, but all pedophiles have mustaches.
Tips for success
After spilling a box of thumbtacks, walking around barefoot can help make sure you found them all.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your girlfriend is pregnant. You wear a purity ring.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your teacher tells you to quit acting stupid. You're not acting.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're clearing dinner dishes from your bathroom.
Fact
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.
Realized
Wishing your pet could talk is fun until you realize all the things you've done in front of it.
Tips for success
Facts
Signs that things aren't going so well
Realized
To do list
Definitions
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