Fact
China is the world's largest producer of American flags.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You can't tell if your blind date is a man or a woman. You're turned on anyway.
Definition
Bobby pins (noun) - The ninjas of hair accessories.
Realized
The male version of a cougar is a pedophile.
Realized
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.
Fact
It is scientifically proven that you are always born on your birthday.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are the one who let the dogs out.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're the reason the clothing company changed their "One Size Fits All" label to "One Size Fits Most."
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your husband went on a business trip. He's unemployed.
Tips for success
When your parents tell you to improve your grades, fail all your classes to give them a parenting challenge.
Tips for success
Chocolate will heal sadness and help shed pounds off of your waistline. Eat it whenever possible.
Tips for success
When on a diet eat the whole package of cookies at once. This will effectively remove future temptations.
Definition
Red light (noun) - Time to check your phone.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your doppelganger is Rosie O'Donnell.
Definition
Urban Dictionary (proper noun) - Where we learn things that we don't want to ask our parents.
Definition
Social studies (noun) - The study of dead white guys.
Tips for success
When getting a haircut, continue nodding your head in approval the entire time, so that your hair-stylist knows you like the work that they've done.
Definition
Are you sure? (phrase) - I want you to pay for me, but I want to be polite about it.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You have a major crush on your teacher. You're home schooled.
Tips for success
When missing school due to illness, spend the day watching the Big Bang Theory. It will make up for the day's lack of education.
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