Tips for success
Switch shake weight with a baby, you will get a much better workout.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You recognize your chemistry teacher on an episode of cops.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - When you take off all you clothes to take a shower at a friends house and realize you don't know how to start the shower.
Realized
I can never spell Mississippi without saying it out loud.
Fact
When flirting with a hot girl that you just met, her ugly friend will respond.
Realized
The ground must love me a lot, it catches me every time I fall.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your 3 year-old nephew points out to you that the animal attacking you is a leopard, not a tiger.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your parents give you a bath toy. It's a toaster.
Definition
The Cha Cha Slide (noun) - A dance proving for years that people do not know their rights from their lefts.
Definition
Disapppointment (noun) - Dropping an Oreo in your milk and it falling apart before being able to pick it back up to eat it.
Definition
Irony (noun) - Your antidepressant medicine can increase suicidal thoughts.
Realized
There is never a time when mattresses and cars are NOT on sale.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You ask your 15 year old daughter what she wants to do for a living. She says that she'll just get pregnant and be on a reality tv show.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You spend more time with the potato chip bowl than actual people at parties.
To do list
Do my daily shopping while wearing a ski mask.
Realized
If you watch Sleeping Beauty backwards the prince kisses her to death. The prince is a dementor.
Realized
The Monopoly Man owns Pringles.
Tips for success
Make to-do list of tasks you have already completed. Cross them off. Feel accomplished.
Realized
Two of the biggest problems in the world are hunger and overpopulation. We could solve them both by eating babies.
Definition
That's nice (phrase) - What you say when you're talking on the phone and you zone out in the middle of the other person's story.
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