Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
Bruno Mars is the kind of guy you get a restraining order against.
Fact
Dentists will always ask you a question right when they jam something in your mouth.
To do list
Download ice cream truck theme song. Drive around crushing children's hopes.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your mistress nags you more than your wife.
To do list
Buy Grim Reaper costume. Stand outside nursing home and wave.
Tips for success
Look for reasons to be angry with your spouse. This will show them that you're paying attention.
Definition
Wikipedia (proper noun) - A website claimed to be unreliable by teachers, but the only reason you got A+'s on all of your papers.
Definition
Drama (noun) - When Sarah likes Mike but Mike is going out with Jane when Jane actually likes Dylan but Dylan likes Sarah so Dylan asks out Sarah and Jane gets mad and breaks up with Mike so she can go out with Dylan then Sarah asks out Ty instead and Ty likes Hanna and Hanna likes Mike so Hanna asks out Mike and Jane gets jealous so she tries to make up with Mike.
Definition
Disappointment (noun) - When the leaf you go out of your way to step on isn't as crunchy as it looks.
Realized
Dogs always wait until they're right next to people to shake water from their fur.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - Accidentally 'liking' your crush's status from two years ago on Facebook.
Definition
Younger siblings (noun) - Reminders that your parents still have sex.
Definition
White shirt (noun) - A device that temporarily disables eating skills.
Tips for success
Badmouth your professors publicly. They value your honest, unbiased opinion and will reflect their appreciation in your final grade.
Definition
Children (noun) - Little creatures who invade your house, eat your food, break your nice things, and take all your money when you die.
Fact
The last 2% always takes the longest to download.
Definition
Sleep (noun) - An urban myth told by college students before finals.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your date isn't returning from the bathroom.
Definition
I don't lie (phrase) - I lie about everything. I'm even lying now.
Realized
The apostrophe is important in the contraction who're.