Realized
Moses would be the best lifeguard ever.
Fact
It is impossible to look sexy while yawning.
To do list
Write gullible on the ceiling,.
Fact
Whatever doesn't kill you only delays the inevitable.
Fact
Your brain intentionally plans for your dream to end at the best part.
Definition
Internet (noun) - The reason you are failing high school.
Definition
Week before prom (noun) - When 82% of the girls in your school develop the skin tone of an Oompa Loompa.
To do list
Walk casually from an exploding building.
Tips for success
Trying is the first step toward failure. Don't try.
Fact
Even though you will work on your homework for an hour straight, the second you step away from it to check something, your parents will barge in and ask why you aren't doing your work.
Fact
A bite of someone else's food will always be the best thing you've ever tasted.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're out of breath after wiggling your pants on.
Fact
Breakfast tastes better for dinner.
Definition
Parents (noun) - People who blame innocent children for their mistakes and take credit for their successes.
Fact
You will remember everything from your classes, right up until you take the final.
Fact
Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.
Definition
Period (noun) - A gnome with a machete running around in your stomach.
Tips for success
Date multiple women at the same time. Women love a guy who can multitask.
To do list
Steal doughnut truck. Make cops chase you.
Definition
Cannibalism (noun) - Hugging someone with your teeth.
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