To do list
Buy pet. Name it Peeve.
To do list
Change last name to "Ramirez." Re-apply to college.
Definition
Yummy (adjective) - Used to describe food that tastes like crap, because you don't want to insult the person who made it.
Realized
Oxymoron is oxymoronic because "oxy" means sharp and "moron" means dull.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your dog is the only one that kisses you.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Alphabet soup is the extent of your education.
Tips for success
If people are giving you dirty looks on the bus, that means they can't hear your earphones. Turn it up.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just got your check for the Pulitzer Prize. Snooki makes more money than you.
To do list
Go to the airport. Set off the metal detector at security. Tell them that it was probably your abs of steel.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You can't fit into your mothers clothing anymore.
Tips for success
To check that your bottle of pepper spray is full and working, lightly mist your face with it.
Fact
Disney movies are more fun to watch when you're 16 than when you're 6.
Signs that things aren't going so well
It can't be fixed with duct tape.
Realized
The seashore is a terrible place for Sally to sell seashells.
Realized
Sarcasm applies the most to people too dumb to understand it.
Realized
If you aren't supposed to talk to strangers, how are you supposed to make friends?
Tips for success
When a 30 page paper is hanging over your head make sure to wait until the last day to start working on it.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - When your fat friend complains about being fat.
To do list
Get a female dog. Name her Karma.
Definition
Narnia (noun) - The reason why gays don't want to come out of the closet.
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