Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Definition
English essay (noun) - Where one sentence can become four.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You forgot to turn on "Private browsing."
Signs that things aren't going so well
You clean your house before your maid arrives so she won't think you're a slob.
Definition
Hedgehog (noun) - Furry, greedy little creature that needs to learn to share the hedge.
Realized
The best hipster jokes are the ones that nobody tells.
To do list
Find a wrong way to eat a Reese's.
Fact
The later it gets the more interesting the internet is.
Definition
Pregnancy (noun) - Going through nine months of misery only to realize that it gets worse.
Tips for success
If you can't fix it with duct-tape, you haven't used enough.
To do list
Change name to Simon. Tell people to do stuff.
Definition
Midwife (noun) - People helping people get people out of people.
Tips for success
When you are choking, put your thumbs up. It lets everyone else know that you require immediate help.
To do list
Bring bolt to amusement park. Get on roller coaster with someone who looks really scared. When ride starts, hold up bolt and say, "Wait... where did this come from?"
Signs that things aren't going so well
You got mad at your girlfriend, so you deflated her.
Fact
You know you are sick, when your clothes become tissues.
Definition
Stalker (noun) - A cherished friendship, divided by two.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - That moment when the music stops, but you're still belting out the song.
Tips for success
Write bad songs, sing them horribly and brush your teeth with a bottle of jack.
To do list
Drink apple juice in wine glass. Feel sophisticated.
Definition
I may or may not have (phrase) - I did.