Signs that things aren't going so well
You only brush your teeth for special occasions.
Fact
The best part about cleaning your room is finding money you didn't remember you had.
To do list
Spend a whole day talking in nothing but pure movie quotes.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your thoughts are in the form of Facebook statuses.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your white gloves turn orange after you touch your face.
Tips for success
If you have a bad cough, take a large amount of laxatives. That way you'll be too afraid to cough.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just purchased a Costco sized pack of Plan B.
Definition
They're really nice though... (phrase) - I just said something terrible about someone but don't want to look bad.
Tips for success
Snack on tin foil. It's a good source of iron.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your refrigerator came in the box that you're now living in.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Even your Facebook stalker doesn't "like" your statuses anymore.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are trying to pay your bills with gift cards.
Definition
Group project (noun) - A project in which you are forced to do all of the work of the lazy students that the professor decided to group you with.
Definition
Serving Size (noun) - One third of the amount needed to satisfy your hunger.
To do list
Host party. Serve non-alcoholic beer. See how many people pretend to get drunk.
Fact
The "i" before "e' rule is weird.
Tips for success
When you know the answer to a question in class, be sure to wave your hand wildly and make noises of urgency. Your classmates will appreciate your eagerness to enlighten them with your knowledge.
Realized
Our kids will be able to see our Facebook pages.
Definition
Cleavage (noun) - A place for storing money, cell phones, and other miscellaneous items.
Definition
Irony (noun) - Drawing trees on paper.
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