Definition
Cheerios (noun) - Doughnut seeds.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You don't need to move to keep the hula hoop around your waist.
Tips for success
If you find that you've left your house and forgot your driver's license, be sure to speed to your next destination to ensure that you're not on the road long without proper identification.
Definition
Cookies (noun) - The dough that actually made it into the oven instead of my mouth.
Definition
Paper clip (noun) - A staple for people with commitment issues.
Tips for success
Never try your best. That way, you'll always have room to improve.
Tips for success
Don't waste your time studying for finals. If it is meant to be, God will let you pass...
Definition
Cleaning your room (verb) - Shoving everything into the closet and hoping it ends up in Narnia.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just read the directions on the back of your soap dispenser. Turns out you've been doing it wrong.
To do list
Mope about not having a boyfriend. Install a detachable shower head.
Realized
No matter what you like, there will always be some religion that is against it.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just destroyed a house and killed two pigs. You're not playing Angry Birds.
Signs that things aren't going so well
MTV wants to create a hit series based on your life.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your girlfriend says "let me slip into something a bit more comfortable," and returns wearing sweatpants and a hoodie.
Definition
Mature (adjective) - Putting that large cardboard box in the recycling, when it would have made an amazing fort.
Tips for success
When driving your grandmother around to do errands, run all red lights. She will appreciate you not waisting any of her precious remaining time.
Definition
Pharmacist (noun) - A drug dealer with a white coat.
Realized
When boyfriend fights a guy for hitting on his girlfriend, he's a gentleman. When girlfriend fights a girl for hitting on her boyfriend, she's a jealous wench.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You refer to candy stores as "bait shops."
Definition
Cleavage (noun) - A channel for crumbs to pass from your mouth to your belly button.
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