Signs that things aren't going so well
Your thoughts are in the form of Facebook statuses.
Tips for success
It's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission...
Tips for success
Text while driving. Other drivers will admire you for being hip and popular.
Tips for success
Always answer your cell phone at the movie theater. It shows the other guests that you are popular and well-liked and in turn, they will like you.
To do list
Buy CD of ice cream truck music. Drive down the street blasting it. Watch kids get disappointed.
Realized
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Definition
Feminist (noun) - A woman that pretends to be offended, only because boys don't flirt with her.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You look more like the mailman than your dad.
Definition
Joy (noun) - When you flip over a worksheet and it's blank.
Fact
There is always enough room for dessert.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The tag to your mattress is missing.
Definition
Facebook (noun) - A public memorial to a life that could have been.
To do list
Call friend. Pretend friend was the one calling me.
Realized
Everyone that has a puppy thinks theirs is the cutest.
Realized
No one really knows why the chicken is crossing the road...
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your pregnant friends are thinner than you.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You have more back cleavage than front cleavage.
Realized
Practical jokes aren't very practical.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You look down and can't see your own feet.
Definition
Manicure (noun) - Paying $30 to get made fun of in another language.
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