Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your stepmom is younger than you.
Definition
Impossible (adjective) - Fitting the last corner of the sheet onto a mattress.
Tips for success
To avoid going to jail; try your very hardest to not be black or Mexican.
Fact
It's easier to pick up chicks when you lift with your legs.
Signs that things aren't going so well
A terrorist just told you, "You da bomb!"
Tips for success
Insulting your friends constantly will make them appreciate it even more when they receive a compliment.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You ask to sign your friend's yearbook, they hand you a pencil.
Definition
Spell check (noun) - The only reason you don't sound like a complete idiot on the Internet.
Tips for success
Try drinking a gallon of milk in one hour. Milk is a great source of calcium.
To do list
Follow a family around a tourist attraction so that I appear in all their photos, when they look back.
To do list
Major in philosophy. Ask people WHY they would like fries with that.
Tips for success
When you get sad, stop being sad and be awesome instead.
Definition
Science Fair (noun) - A time for parents to show how talented they are.
Definition
Algebra homework (noun) - An obstacle course for your stick figures.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The person you've been stalking just figured out how to make their profile private.
Definition
Genius (noun) - A person who drops out of college, rips off his partner, and becomes rich. See: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckenburg.
To do list
Change Microsoft Word autocorrect to automatically change Voldemort into He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
To do list
Sneeze in front of the pope. Get blessed.
Definition
Calculator (noun) - Home of a tiny Asian man.
Definition
Happiness (noun) - When the waitress brings you your food.