Definition
Epicenter (noun) - The place where it is most epic.
Definition
Never mind (phrase) - You were too stupid to understand the first time, so I give up trying to explain it.
Tips for success
To save time, try taking your medication for the month all at once.
Definition
Don't take it personally (phrase) - The get out of jail free card for insulting people.
Tips for success
When running from a bear, make sure you are with someone else who runs slower than you.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're drunk, and she's still ugly.
Tips for success
When you find yourself in an awkard silence, point out the fact that it's awkward. That will surely make it less awkward.
Tips for success
Get fat. Kidnappers only take the thin, attractive people.
Tips for success
Always refer to yourself as "we." It'll make you sound less lonely.
To do list
Find out whose cruel idea it was to put an "s" in the word "lisp." Give them a high-five.
Tips for success
Sprinkle yourself with glitter before going on a date.
Definition
Claustrophobic (adjective) - Fear of Santa Claus.
Definition
Algebra (noun) - What happens when mathematics has sex with the alphabet.
To do list
Destroy the gnome that keeps tangling my iPod headphones.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You actually brush your teeth with a bottle of jack.
Realized
The words "Don't panic but..." are always immediately followed by a very good reason to panic.
Definition
Spelling bee (noun) - A group of kids who can spell everything except for "fun," "sex" or "friends."
Definition
Jeans (noun) - Wearable napkin.
Definition
Marching Band (noun) - The real reason people go to football games.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You have a strong desire to reread the Twilight series.
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