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Definition
Lmao (acronym) - A synonym for 'lol' that makes you seem more invested in a conversation.
Definition
Jeans (noun) - A substitute for napkins.
Definition
Canada (noun) - A frozen wasteland above the United States.
Definition
Joy (noun) - When you flip over a worksheet and it's blank.
Tips for success
A pillow held firmly to your partner's face is an excellent cure for snoring.
Fact
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a terrible way to tell your child that they're adopted.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You make your imaginary friend an email account, Facebook, and Twitter just to prove that he's real.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your dog laughs when he sees you naked.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your milkshakes don't bring anyone to the yard.
Fact
No matter how many times an english teacher asks for YOUR interpretation, they will only mark it as correct if it matches THEIR interpretation.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your mom has the hots for you, and your Delorean is broken.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your doctor's last name is House. You think you just have a cold.
Definition
Thanksgiving (proper noun) - The only holiday in America where virtually no part of our daily routine is changed.
Fact
Being overweight is all gravity's fault.
Fact
No matter where you go, there will be at least one person that makes you want to punch them in the face.
Realized
The only problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
To do list
Shoot the deputy as well.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're the reason for the weird laws in your state.
Tips for success
Snack on tin foil. It's a good source of iron.
Fact
Homework will always take ten times longer to do when you are sitting in front of a computer.