Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
To do list
Switch on the heater and the AC in a room. See who wins.
Definition
Heels (noun) - Shoes invented by men to make running away harder.
Definition
Happiness (noun) - Finding a whole chip in the crumbs at the bottom of the bag.
Definition
"I'm going to bed." (phrase) - I'm going to mess around in my room for the next three hours until I finally feel the need to fall asleep.
Definition
Creeping (noun) Having a highly evolved sense of observation.
To do list
Find a wrong way to eat a Reese's.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You have a hook for a hand, a ticking crocodile is following you, and you've dedicated your life to fighting a little boy who wears green tights.
Definition
Spelling bee (noun) - A group of kids who can spell everything except for "fun," "sex" or "friends."
Fact
A bus is a vehicle that travels twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Tips for success
In golf, the best players score under par. You can apply this winning mentality to your own life by striving to be subpar.
Tips for success
Spray your food with bug spray on picnics to keep the bugs away.
Definition
Wedding rings (noun) - An expensive pair of tiny handcuffs.
Definition
Love songs (noun) - A genre of music that is overly played yet still manages to mock you with a romance that you can never have.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are kissed by a man. His name is Judas.
Tips for success
Never eat anything new. You may be allergic to it and die.
Fact
Whenever you cut your nails, you will need to do something that requires long nails right after.
Tips for success
To help lose weight, cut off unnecessary appendages.
To do list
Get picked up by a white windowless van. Brag to my friends about how a group of random masked men found me attractive.
Realized
I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of gravity.
Fact
Your teacher will always ask you to answer the one problem you didn't do.