Signs that things aren't going so well
Your therapist just rolled her eyes at you.
Fact
If nobody sees you eat it, the calories don't count.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You ask your drug dealer for some coke... he only has pepsi.
To do list
Go to heaven and sneeze. Get blessed by God.
Definition
Learning to drive (verb) - Knowing what laws you can break and when you can break them.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The person you've been stalking just figured out how to make their profile private.
Tips for success
When job interviewers ask you about your previous experience, they mean sexually. Be specific.
Tips for success
Don't cross into Soviet Russia while riding a horse.
Definition
Caps Lock (noun) - The best form of intimidation.
Tips for success
Instead of reading your high school English books, listen to Taylor Swift's songs. She really knows her classic novels.
Fact
Everything increases your risk of dying.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are in the band Nickelback.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You hear loud noises coming from your parent's bedroom. Your dad is on a business trip...
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - When you say goodbye to someone, but they keep walking the same way as you.
Fact
It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Realized
No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize a cat.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your doctor tells you that you need to eat a rainbow of foods to be healthy. You understand this to mean "buy a pack of Skittles."
Definition
Slug (noun) - The hobos of the snail world.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just talked about fight club.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - When you're describing to your friend something funny that happened in class, and then you realize that they're in the same class.
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