Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Signs that things aren't going so well
Her birthday is also your anniversary and you forgot.
Tips for success
Always stand behind the old lady at the supermarket.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You wish to grow up like someone who is younger than you.
Fact
You are never too old to run up the stairs on all fours.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You drowned in the fountain of youth.
Realized
No one really wants you to gag them with a spoon.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your imaginary friends play with each other instead of you.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your parents start asking how your Sims are doing instead of your friends.
Realized
The only problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Fact
Honey is bee vomit. When someone calls you "honey", they're insulting you.
To do list
Get fat over the holidays. Make New Year's resolution to get thin. Wait a year. Repeat.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The TSA pat down is your idea of a good time.
Definition
Vegan (noun) - Someone who slaughters defenseless fruits and vegetables.
Fact
Disney movies are more fun to watch when you're 16 than when you're 6.
Fact
You never brush your teeth as good as when you have a dentist appointment.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your zit has a shadow.
Tips for success
To ensure quality, always take a bite of your customer's food. They will greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Fact
Four people are admitted to British hospitals every year due to biscuit related injuries.
Definition
Bathing (verb) - The idea that swimming in your own filth will make you cleaner.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your country is several trillion dollars in debt.