Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
To do list
Go trick-or-treating on April Fools day.
To do list
Dress up like Mario. Go to the store. Buy mushrooms.
Tips for success
If asked which child is yours while standing by a playground at the park, reply with, "I haven't decided yet..."
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your boyfriend just dumped you and you're out of Ben & Jerry's.
Tips for success
Girls love guys who have confidence. Believe everything you say is right, refuse to be told otherwise, and you'll have them swooning over you in no time.
Realized
If it weren't for the gutter, most people's minds would be homeless.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The flux capacitor is broken.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You announce that you're "legal" on your 18th birthday and people around you shudder.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just insulted your brother with a yo mama joke.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Everytime you walk past a car you hear the locking-car-door sound.
Definition
Bra (noun) - A device for catching potato chip crumbs.
Fact
Politicians, like diapers, should be changed often; and for the same reason.
Definition
Poor (adjective) - Having too much month left at the end of the money.
Tips for success
During thunder and lightning storms, be sure to drive at exactly 88 mph.
Realized
Sea World is literally tons of fun.
Realized
The leading cause of death is birth.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The camels in your pick-up truck are not cigarettes.
Fact
If nobody sees you eat it, the calories don't count.
Tips for success
Tell everyone you have a six-pack. Then quietly add "...of crayons."
Definition
Acne (noun) - God's way of trying to keep teenagers celibate.