Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
You are what you eat. Eat skinny people.
Tips for success
Mug blind people. They'll never see it coming!
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your milkshakes don't bring anyone to the yard.
To do list
Get bitten by a radioactive spider.
Definition
Snort (verb) - The transition from a funny joke to peeing in your pants.
Tips for success
Take your boyfriend to more chick flicks. He's only pretending to hate them.
Fact
Roses are red, but violets are not blue.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are carefully planning what your next Facebok status will be.
Definition
I'm typing up my research paper! (phrase) - I'm surfing the web and avoiding my research paper.
Fact
Whenever you do something right no one remembers. Whenever you do something wrong no one forgets.
Realized
If a picture is worth a thousand words, does that mean that one word is worth one one-thousandth of a picture?
Realized
Waldo's mom never filed a missing person report.
To do list
Stand in an elevator. Every time someone walks in scream that they stepped on my invisible friend.
Realized
Wearing my underwear outside of my clothes does not increase my flying abilities.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You finally got an A. It's on your prison jumper, indicating your cell block.
Fact
A comeback will never sound as good out loud as it does in your head.
Definition
Amusement (noun) - Watching your teacher spend 90% of the class time attempting to work the SmartBoard.
Fact
Eat whatever you want. Nutrition is a myth.
Tips for success
Poke old people at funerals and say, "you're next." They really get a kick out of it.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You use "opposites attract" to justify the age difference.