Fact
No matter how much popcorn, candy or soda you buy, it will always be gone by the time the movie actually starts.
Realized
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Definition
Manicure (noun) - Paying $30 to get made fun of in another language.
Definition
Childhood (noun) - When you didn't have to be drunk to make stupid decisions.
Realized
Today is the oldest you've been and the youngest you'll ever be again.
To do list
Don't vote. Complain about how you wish the government was better.
Fact
No matter where you are or what time it is, you will always cringe when you hear the sound of an alarm clock.
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - When you're describing to your friend something funny that happened in class, and then you realize that they're in the same class.
Tips for success
If you can't explain something, simply say "Inception."
Fact
You will never be able to measure a correct amount of pasta to make for yourself. It will either be way too much or way too little.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Every time you go shirtless, people ask you why you're wearing a sweater on such a hot day.
Realized
There's nothing more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.
To do list
Wait for history to repeat itself. Get dinosaur as pet.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You water your plants with a shot glass so that you don't feel like you're drinking alone.
To do list
Go to ex-boyfriend's wedding wearing a long white dress.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You start off a tub of ice cream by throwing the lid away.
Fact
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Tips for success
When entering bear country, make sure you carry a stick of salami in your back pocket.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just got your hair cut and you look like Justin Bieber. That is what you wanted.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your girlfriend wants to tell you something. She wants to do it on the Maury Povich Show.
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