Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
When working on a test you may come across a question you don't know the answer to. Instead of skipping it, write, "Isn't it obvious?" and then move on.
Fact
Every time a girl gets a new boyfriend, an older brother buys a new nerf gun.
Definition
Irony (noun) - telling Lord Voldemort he's being nosy.
Tips for success
Start a company that sells hearing aids. Make the volume on your commercials super low.
Realized
France made french fries, yet Americans are the fat ones.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You find yourself enjoying a Nickleback song.
Tips for success
When someone tells you to, "expect the unexpected," slap them in the face and ask them if they expected it.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You swallowed your cat to catch a bird that's looking for the spider who was supposed to catch the fly that you accidentally swallowed.
Signs that things aren't going so well
PMS (acronym) - Pissed at Men Syndrome.
Fact
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
Definition
Freedom of religion (noun) - When you can't say 'bless you' or 'Merry Christmas' without starting a debate.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your kids are taking you to the doctors to be tested for Alzheimer's disease. You don't remember having kids.
Definition
Childhood (noun) - When you could eat a candy cane without anyone thinking it looked dirty.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You sleep for over 12 hours a day. The time you spend awake you complain about being tired. You're not a cat.
To do list
Hire two private investigators. Get them to follow each other.
Fact
"The problem with quotes found on the internet is that they're not always accurate." - Abraham Lincoln.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You find yourself disappointed that the library isn't open later on a Saturday night.
Definition
Sleep (noun) - An urban myth told by college students before finals.
Tips for success
When a girl asks,"Your place or mine?," Reply, "I'm homeless," with puppy dog eyes. You will seem irresistible.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You're going out with the biggest dork in class only because his name is Edward.