Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
To do list
Create ice cream flavor. Call it "Get over Him."
Fact
You will never need to go to the bathroom as badly as when you're fumbling with your belt buckle.
Definition
I'm fine (phrase) - I am in a horrible depression, but you're supposed to already know that.
Definition
Disappointment (noun) - Receiving no likes on a witty status update.
To do list
Paint with all the colours of the wind.
To do list
Dress up in a chicken costume. Cross the street.
Definition
Sarcasm (noun) - The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
Fact
In the time it takes you to read this sentence, Bill Gates will have saved enough money to buy a new sports car.
Fact
Your bed will always feel 10x more comfortable the moment you decide to get up.
Tips for success
When you see a friend crying, pretend not to care. This will teach them independance. They'll thank you later for being such a good friend.
Fact
The weak quit smoking. The strong fight cancer.
Tips for success
When conversing with a British person, speak only about tea or they won't understand you.
Tips for success
Don't bite the hand that feeds you. You will get blood in your food.
Fact
Guns don't kill people, gaping holes in vital organs kill people.
Tips for success
When you get pulled over by a cop and he says, "papers," respond with "scissors." Not only will you clearly win, he will be impressed by your wit and sense of humor.
Fact
People will always ask you a question right after you put food in your mouth.
Tips for success
In the winter, metal poles taste like candy. Don't hesitate to lick them.
Definition
Toilet (noun) - Something that only clogs at a friend's house.
To do list
Go to a football game. Hold up a sign that reads "The Guy Behind Me Can't See."
Realized
The Amish will never read this.