Definition
Mascara (noun) - A type of cosmetic product that must be applied with an open mouth.
Tips for success
When on a first date, try and guess her weight. Start high.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You think it's just a flesh wound.
Realized
If Eve doomed the human race for an apple, what would she have done for a Klondike bar?
Definition
Awkward (adjective) - A white people word that can be applied to any situation.
Definition
Summer (noun) - Waking up at 11:30 and not knowing whether to have breakfast or lunch.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You think someone is trying to steal your role as Swan Queen.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your worst enemy in the entire universe just told you that he is your father.
Definition
Conclusion (noun) - When you get tired of thinking.
Definition
Right of way (phrase) - The person with the largest truck.
Definition
Independent (Adjective) - How we want our kids to be as long as they do everything we say.
Definition
Babysitting (verb) - The most effective form of birth control.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your Ford Focus listens better than your closest friends.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You count playing Temple Run towards your daily exercise routine.
Tips for success
Don't study until the night before a big exam. This will ensure that all the information is fresh in your mind.
Definition
Suspension (noun) - A way of rewarding the biggest troublemakers by giving them days off from school.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You met a cute girl at a party. It was a family reunion.
To do list
Mash up Oreos. Pour into flower pot. Eat in public.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You just found a toe in the meat pie that you're eating.
Fact
Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking...
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