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Definition
Stop talking back to me (phrase) - What parents say when they have nothing else to say and they realize that their child is right.
Fact
The day that you don't have something is always the day that you need it most.
Signs that things aren't going so well
The words "UR A LOSER" appear in your alphabet soup.
Definition
Stress (noun) - What doctors say you have when they can't find the real reason of your illness.
Realized
Adding the word "ladies" onto the end of any sentence makes you seem five times creepier, ladies.
Definition
I'm happy for you (phrase) - I hope you have ugly children, get fat and go bald.
Realized
Today is the oldest you've been and the youngest you'll ever be again.
Tips for success
To teach your nosy neighbors a lesson, name your WIFI network, "send help, held hostage."
Definition
Pancake (noun) - Maple syrup sponge.
Definition
Irony (noun) - Dropping your iPhone in Apple juice.
Tips for success
If your roommate talks in her sleep, be sure to cover her face with a pillow so that she won't wake herself up.
Realized
Pink insulation does not taste like cotton candy.
Tips for success
When your Irish friend comes over for dinner, dress up as a leprechaun and only serve potatoes. They will love the fact that you appreciate their heritage.
Tips for success
If you can't beat the enemy, join them... then kill them in their sleep.
Fact
Chemistry jokes are sodium funny.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your new friends just dared you to touch the butt.
To do list
Get socks for Christmas. When opening the present say "Dobby is free!"
Fact
Trying is the first step towards failure.
Fact
It's impossible to say "good eye might" without sounding Australian.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You built it. Nobody came.