Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Definition
Turkey (noun) - What is made when you go in for a high five, but your friend goes in for a fist bump.
Realized
A bad idea with a lot of confidence appeals to people more than a good idea with skepticism.
To do list
Become gender-reassignment surgeon. Play "I'll Make A Man Out Of You" during the surgeries.
To do list
Put pants on two legs at a time.
Tips for success
Don't be prejudiced, hate everyone equally.
Definition
Mixer (noun) - Where a fraternity and sorority get together to spread STDs.
Definition
Studying (noun) - The period of time when your room just begs to be cleaned.
Definition
Looks comfy (phrase) - What you're wearing is hideous, the reason you're wearing it could only be for comfort.
Tips for success
Cough on your friends when you're sick. They will thank you when they get to call in sick for work.
To do list
Set out milk and cookies. Wait for revenge. End Christmas forever.
Tips for success
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, therefore eating gallons and gallons of ice cream will make you stronger.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You are the president... of Egypt.
Definition
Say something funny (phrase) - An evil spell that makes it impossible for you to do so.
Tips for success
Never take a bullet for anyone. If you have time to jump in front of the person, he has time to move.
Signs that things aren't going so well
Your parents are only hanging out with you to get closer to your friends.
Definition
Secret admirer (noun) - A stalker with stationery.
Tips for success
If she asks, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She probably means her hair. Do not guess your way up starting with "New socks?"
Realized
Most middle class people are more suited to run the country than the government.
Signs that things aren't going so well
"Made with real ingredients" is a selling point.
Signs that things aren't going so well
You brought home a "Sky Mall" magazine from your last flight and plan on buying something.