Realized
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Realized
In 1000 years, archeologists will find tanning beds and think that we fried people as punishment.
Realized
Rockabye Baby is a song about a baby that falls off a tree and dies.
Realized
No matter how many TV channels you get, you will only end up watching 5 of them.
Realized
Pregnancy is the world's most celebrated STD.
Realized
If "guns don't kill people, people kill people", then toasters don't toast toast, but toast toasts toast.
Realized
A bathing suit is never actually used to bathe.
Realized
Just because you were bitten by a spider does not mean you'll immediatly start shooting webs out of your wrists.
Realized
Walking through a spider web temporarily turns you into a ninja.
Realized
Time flies when you're having rum.
Realized
A word with 3 "u"s must be really unusual.
Realized
The only thing worse than a warm toilet seat is a wet one.
Realized
Peter Piper didn't pick any pickled peppers. You pickle them after they're picked.
Realized
All of my favorite childhood shows have either been canceled or screwed up.
Realized
Essays are always due on the day that all printers in the world mysteriously stop working.
Realized
Opinions are like butts. Everyone has one and some are better than others.
Realized
Johnson & Johnson No More Tear Shampoo doesn't work when watching Toy Story 3.
Realized
Fantasy football is just Dungens and Dragons for jocks.
Realized
Helen Keller was the perfect woman.
Realized
Anyone who says words don't hurt you, has clearly never been hit by a dictionary.