Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
About the time you notice the pancake nipples, it's already too late.
Realized
Karma always comes back around. Karma is a boomerang?
Realized
Mental note: Actual notes work better.
Realized
"You're one in a million" means that there are over 6,000 people just like you.
Realized
Most of the show "Saturday Night Live" is shown on Sunday.
Realized
Kit Kats never actually make the noise they do in the commercials unless your trying to hide the fact that your eating one.
Realized
For cannibals, all fights are food fights.
Realized
There are no such thing as blue raspberries.
Realized
There are two times when calling shotgun is really important; when riding in a cop car, and when riding in a hearse.
Realized
I'm in shape! ...round is a shape.
Realized
Most rioting in the world happens in the countries with the least bacon.
Realized
How come we say "tunafish," but not "beefmammal" or "chickenbird?"
Realized
Babies are not dishwasher safe.
Realized
"Yell for help" is not in the list of top 100 things to do before you die.
Realized
Mumbling is a lot like talking in cursive.
Realized
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
Realized
Essays are always due on the day that all printers in the world mysteriously stop working.
Realized
Simba singing, "I just can't wait to be king," is equal to him singing, "I just can't wait for my dad to die."
Realized
Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except for you.
Realized
I'm not the praised genius that my mom convinced me I was.