Realized
When rearranged, "mother in law" spells "woman hitler."
Realized
Canadians are the only people you can make fun of without being considered racist.
Realized
No one really wants you to gag them with a spoon.
Realized
Everyone screams like a girl... It would just be awkward if somebody screamed in a really low pitched voice.
Realized
I laugh more over text than in real life.
Realized
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Realized
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is a horror movie disguised by candy.
Realized
If you insult yourself, you're being self-depreciating. If another person agrees with you, they are a jerk.
Realized
Our cars are powered by dead dinosaurs.
Realized
Cinderella was the only person with that shoe size in the whole kingdom.
Realized
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you're lying becomes much less important.
Realized
Life is too short to use single-ply toilet paper.
Realized
The closer it is to the weekend, the closer it is to Monday again.
Realized
Bill Nye the Science guy is an actor.
Realized
Nothing will scare you more than 8 missed calls from your mom.
Realized
Moby Dick sounds like the name of a venereal disease.
Realized
A bathing suit is never actually used to bathe.
Realized
My favorite drink came out of a cow's private parts.
Realized
In 1000 years, archeologists will find tanning beds and think that we fried people as punishment.
Realized
Body spray that smells like Vanilla tastes like disinfectant.
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