Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
The Amish will never read this.
Realized
Whenever someone says "long story short", they usually end up telling you the long story.
Realized
Roses are red, violets are blue, some poems make sense, banana monkey glue.
Realized
Google is the only reason I passed school. I googled everything my teachers tried to teach me.
Realized
Chocolate makes you fat, but it also releases endorphins. Therefore eating large amounts of chocolate makes you happy about being fat.
Realized
Simba and Nala have the same dad.
Realized
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Realized
If the body is mostly water, does drinking make you a cannibal?
Realized
All the models in anti-wrinkle commercials are under 25.
Realized
Being pissed off is better than being pissed on.
Realized
I can never spell Mississippi without saying it out loud.
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If I am what I eat, then I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
Realized
If you open your mind too much your brain will fall out.
Realized
Men wear clothes. Women wear outfits.
Realized
The prettiest people are out in public when you look your worst.
Realized
I could never tell a Casey Anthony joke. If I did, my mom would kill me!
Realized
If the pillsbury doughboy had a Facebook, he would be overwhelmed with pokes.
Realized
Dirty pop songs are only acceptable in the car because the teenagers think the parents are to old to get the lyrics and the parents think the kids are too young to understand.
Realized
Americans keep getting bigger, even though the packages of food are getting smaller.
Realized
Easy Bake Ovens are not the same thing as microwaves.