Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
Restaurants have to remind employees to wash their hands.
Realized
I have skin. Potatoes have skin. I am a potato.
Realized
Facebook is the one place your friends can openly 'like' the fact that you are recently single.
Realized
Rockabye Baby is a song about a baby that falls off a tree and dies.
Realized
If you come out of high school still feeling innocent, you didn't have a social life.
Realized
"Stressed" is "desserts" spelled backwards. One usually leads to the other.
Realized
There is a place in Norway called Hell. It regularly freezes over.
Realized
According to reality TV, my life isn't real...
Realized
It's Levi-O-sa. Not Levio-SA.
Realized
There are four stages in life: You believe in Santa Claus. You don't believe in Santa Claus. You are Santa Claus. You look like Santa Claus.
Realized
The Wicked Witch of the West never showered.
Realized
On a special occasion, girls with straight hair curl it and girls with curly hair straighten it.
Realized
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Realized
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Realized
Today I broke my record for days of not dying. I plan to break it again tomorrow.
Realized
Google is the only reason I passed school. I googled everything my teachers tried to teach me.
Realized
If people were as stupid as infomericals make them look, the human race would have died out a long time ago.
Realized
Sirius Black's middle name could be Lee.
Realized
They say you are what you eat... but I don't recall eating a sexy beast today.
Realized
They say friendship is a ship that can never be sunk. They said the same thing about the Titanic.