Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
It doesn't matter what temperature the air in the room is, it's still room temperature.
Realized
Sure, they can make a movie called "White Men Can't Jump," but if anyone made a movie called "Black Men Can't Swim," it'd be racist.
Realized
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
Realized
Blood makes really good glue.
Realized
It's hard to convince your grandma you're not hungry.
Realized
You learn from your mistakes. You learn at school. School is a giant mistake.
Realized
Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Realized
If some one had really invented a time machine in the future, we'd know by now...
Realized
The less I sleep, the more I'm tired. The more I sleep, the more I'm tired.
Realized
They tell us to stay away from yellow snow because they want to keep all of the lemony goodness to themselves.
Realized
Every car on the side of the road at night looks like a cop car.
Realized
My parents weren't exercising all of those nights.
Realized
No matter how fast you run at them, automatic sliding doors will always open in time before you get to them. Go ahead, try it.
Realized
Today I broke my record for days of not dying. I plan to break it again tomorrow.
Realized
In war it doesn't matter who's right, it matters who's left.
Realized
Your head is always over your heels.
Realized
You can't talk while inhaling through your nose.
Realized
Breakups should be on a scale of one to Adele as to how tough they are.
Realized
There is a seafood restaurant at Sea World.
Realized
When boyfriend fights a guy for hitting on his girlfriend, he's a gentleman. When girlfriend fights a girl for hitting on her boyfriend, she's a jealous wench.