Realized
Mummies are the raisins of people.
Realized
Being sleepy is like being drunk, everything seems funnier and nothing makes sense.
Realized
iTunes Terms and Conditions Section 13A: At any point in time we can come take a kidney.
Realized
It doesn't matter what temperature the air in the room is, it's still room temperature.
Realized
Math problems are the only time two trains can be speeding towards each other, and no one is concerned.
Realized
It's only a matter of time before Ke$ha makes an entire album revolving around glitter and liver failure.
Realized
Tina Fey would make a better president than Sarah Palin.
Realized
Gorilla's are a lot like unexplained metaphors.
Realized
An ex-girlfriend is like an okay movie, you liked it at the time, but you don't want to see it again. Especially if the movie was a wench.
Realized
Conversations that start "We need to talk," never end well.
Realized
The clothes always look better when you're wearing them at the store than when you're wearing them at home.
Realized
If you insult yourself, you're being self-depreciating. If another person agrees with you, they are a jerk.
Realized
Math problems are like farts, the smaller ones seem better, but they're really the worst of all.
Realized
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.
Realized
In The Little Mermaid, Ursula sings the song "Poor Unfortunate Souls." Ariel's a ginger.
Realized
Women can't park well because for the past 400 years, they have been told that 3 inches is actually 6.
Realized
I don't know what milk is supposed to smell like.
Realized
It's impossible to casually walk across a blow-up mattress.
Realized
High School is nothing like Glee.
Realized
Parents spend the first 10 years of a kid's life getting them into bed, the second 10 years getting their kid out of bed and the third 10 years wondering whose bed their kid is in.
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