Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
There are never pizza delivery girls....
Realized
Expecting the unexpected makes the unexpected expected.
Realized
Cupcakes are the divas of the muffin world.
Realized
Saying "no backsies" doesn't work with herpes...
Realized
My parents are the type of people that try things once to see if they like it. I'm an only child.
Realized
The Little Mermaid could have written Eric a note explaining her situation and why he needed to kiss her. That would have been much easier than having Eric ram a giant boat into Ursula.
Realized
Time flies when you're having rum.
Realized
The dentist always tells you to use a motorized toothbrush, and then gives you a regular one on your way out.
Realized
If people actually became dinosaurs when they aged, no one would complain about getting older.
Realized
My lemon juice is made from artificial flavoring, but the dish soap is made with real lemons.
Realized
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
Realized
It is socially acceptable to wear a bikini around a pool but not your bra and underwear.
Realized
Your face is an oxy-moron. It's "pretty ugly."
Realized
All diet pills require diet and exercise in order to work.
Realized
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Realized
If you insult yourself, you're being self-depreciating. If another person agrees with you, they are a jerk.
Realized
No matter how hard you try to emphasize your sarcasm, someone will always take you seriously.
Realized
If life seems bad, remember that you could've ended up in a sock.
Realized
The words "Don't panic but..." are always immediately followed by a very good reason to panic.
Realized
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it, at summer school.