Realized
Life is like a game of Tetris. You die at the end.
Realized
Being vegetarian is completely disrespecting your ancestors' millions of years of effort of climbing to the top of the food chain.
Realized
The only problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Realized
The leading cause of death is birth.
Realized
Hipstamatic is autotune for photos.
Realized
Dogs look just as funny before they sneeze as humans do.
Realized
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the Earth. Then you’re pretty much dead and your wish was wasted... unless your wish was death by meteor.
Realized
Somehow they took a tree and made it soft enough to wipe your bottom with.
Realized
Not having a crush to stalk makes Facebook a lot more boring.
Realized
Without the help of Gwen Stefani, much of the population would still have no idea how to spell "bananas."
Realized
That yellow snow wasn't spilled lemonade.
Realized
People say pigs can't fly, but swine flu?
Realized
If drinking and driving is illegal, then why do you need a drivers license to buy alcohol?
Realized
More people would drink responsibly if there was a vodka called "Responsibly."
Realized
Accepting a friend request is giving someone permission to stalk you.
Realized
During any season, if you yell "it's snowing outside!" everyone will always look.
Realized
Eating junk food after working out doesn't defeat the purpose, it justifies the cause.
Realized
Adding the phrase "if you know what I mean" to the end of a sentence makes it sounds a whole lot creepier... if you know what I mean...
Realized
The 'b" in subtle is very subtle.
Realized
Most people are like Slinkies, relatively useless, but fun to push down stairs.