Realized
Every marriage that doesn't end in divorce ends in death.
Realized
If we were skinny, rich, and pretty like celebrities, we'd tell everyone else to love themselves too.
Realized
The best things in life are free, plus shipping and handling.
Realized
I don't like cocaine, I just like the way it smells.
Realized
The Little Mermaid could have written Eric a note explaining her situation and why he needed to kiss her. That would have been much easier than having Eric ram a giant boat into Ursula.
Realized
The orange and green Fruit Loops are secretly Apple Jacks.
Realized
New Zealand is Australia's Canada.
Realized
The game monopoly is made by only one company.
Realized
Humans are the only animals who celebrate the fact that they're one year closer to death.
Realized
The words "Don't panic but..." are always immediately followed by a very good reason to panic.
Realized
Sometimes the best thing about a gift is the bubble wrap and box.
Realized
The person who said, "It doesn't matter if you win or lose" probably lost.
Realized
They say friendship is a ship that can never be sunk. They said the same thing about the Titanic.
Realized
Magical people name their children strange things like Harry and Ron, whereas, normal people choose simple names like Hermione.
Realized
A lot of shepherds must fall asleep on the job, with all that sheep counting.
Realized
You know you're old when you go to your HIgh School reunion and all the handicap parking spaces fill up first.
Realized
There are never pizza delivery girls....
Realized
Americans keep getting bigger, even though the packages of food are getting smaller.
Realized
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Realized
Eating junk food after working out doesn't defeat the purpose, it justifies the cause.
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