Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
The save button on Microsoft Office is still a floppy disk.
Realized
Peter Piper didn't pick any pickled peppers. You pickle them after they're picked.
Realized
The best part of the movie always happens when you're in the bathroom.
Realized
Nursery rhymes are not as joyful and happy as we thought as kids.
Realized
STD's (noun) - Cooties for grown-ups.
Realized
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you're lying becomes much less important.
Realized
Saying "Oh, you're one of those..." can make anyone instantly self-conscious.
Realized
The amount of toothbrushes in your bathroom will always be greater than the amount of people who live in your house.
Realized
Karma always comes back around. Karma is a boomerang?
Realized
Allstate is not available in all states.
Realized
They sell seafood at Seaworld.
Realized
We probably could have flying cars by now. The only thing that stops us is that we'd probably crash into a building playing Angry Birds.
Realized
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms, they will run away.
Realized
Cooties still exist, they're just called herpes now.
Realized
Whenever I want to tell a funny joke about some ethnicity they're ALWAYS sitting at the next table over.
Realized
There are two times when calling shotgun is really important; when riding in a cop car, and when riding in a hearse.
Realized
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the Earth. Then you’re pretty much dead and your wish was wasted... unless your wish was death by meteor.
Realized
I have skin. Potatoes have skin. I am a potato.
Realized
Leeches are vampire slugs.
Realized
If people actually became dinosaurs when they aged, no one would complain about getting older.