Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
Sleep + social life = bad grades. Good grades + sleep = no social life. Good grades + social life = no sleep.
Realized
Maybe we should've called them "IF you're skinny jeans..."
Realized
The only thing worse than a warm toilet seat is a wet one.
Realized
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Realized
Far too many fairy tale princes go around kissing dead or sleeping women.
Realized
If today was really opposite day, we would all be dead.
Realized
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Realized
A gingerbread man with a house made of gingerbread is like a person with a house made from people.
Realized
They sell seafood at Seaworld.
Realized
Duct tape is a lot like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Realized
It's hard to convince your grandma you're not hungry.
Realized
Putting nair in women's deodorant would be a really good idea.
Realized
Dust bunnies are not a species of rabbit.
Realized
Restaurants have to remind employees to wash their hands.
Realized
If I had a dollar for every time I dropped my cell phone in the toilet, I'd probably be doing it more often.
Realized
Time Square is a Triangle.
Realized
Pizza is a vegetable now, based on the amount of tomato content, yet tomatoes are a fruit...
Realized
Christopher Columbus is just a man who didn't ask for directions.
Realized
Humans are the only animals who celebrate the fact that they're one year closer to death.
Realized
A duck playing a keyboard + a beaver playing a guitar = a platypus playing the keytar.