Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
When I tell my grandkids there used to be a ninth planet, they won't believe me.
Realized
They say friendship is a ship that can never be sunk. They said the same thing about the Titanic.
Realized
It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, give your face a workout.
Realized
"Stressed" is "desserts" spelled backwards. One usually leads to the other.
Realized
The fifth dentist must have been a hipster.
Realized
Cupcakes are the divas of the muffin world.
Realized
If there are free refills, there's no point in getting anything larger than a small.
Realized
I'm not the praised genius that my mom convinced me I was.
Realized
Who in their right mind would put their proof in the pudding?
Realized
Eating junk food after working out doesn't defeat the purpose, it justifies the cause.
Realized
An omelet made terribly, is, at its worst, very good scrambled eggs.
Realized
Laziness is the mother of all bad habits. But ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her.
Realized
When one mature adult has an imaginary friend it is called crazy. When millions of mature adults share the same imaginary friend, it's called religion.
Realized
The ground must love me a lot, it catches me every time I fall.
Realized
Putting nair in women's deodorant would be a really good idea.
Realized
A gorilla is like an unexplained metaphor.
Realized
Textbooks make excellent pillows.
Realized
For cannibals, every fight is a food fight.
Realized
"The truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder...
Realized
The words "Don't panic but..." are always immediately followed by a very good reason to panic.