Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
Blood makes really good glue.
Realized
If number two pencils are so great why are they number two?
Realized
My lemon juice is made from artificial flavoring, but the dish soap is made with real lemons.
Realized
The male version of a cougar is a pedophile.
Realized
Saying "Oh, you're one of those..." can make anyone instantly self-conscious.
Realized
Dead people who believe in re-incarnation should have "BRB" written on their tombstones.
Realized
The best things in life are free, plus shipping and handling.
Realized
You seem to always hit the place where you have already been injured.
Realized
All of the Disney princesses have serious daddy issues.
Realized
Mummies are the raisins of people.
Realized
Saying "awkward" in an awkward situation doesn't make it any less awkward.
Realized
Pink insulation is not cotton candy.
Realized
The Pringles guy looks just like a younger Mr. Monopoly.
Realized
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you're lying becomes much less important.
Realized
If a ceiling fan could support my weight I would never be bored again.
Realized
I spend all day dreaming about sleep and all night dreaming I'm awake.
Realized
Twister the movie was nothing like Twister the game.
Realized
I'm in shape! ...round is a shape.
Realized
They say you are what you eat... but I don't recall eating a sexy beast today.
Realized
Sleep + social life = bad grades. Good grades + sleep = no social life. Good grades + social life = no sleep.