Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Realized
When someone says, "This isn't up to par," they're complimenting your excellent work since in golf you try to score below par.
Realized
"My printer broke" is the new "my dog ate my homework."
Realized
Saying "Oh, you're one of those..." can make anyone instantly self-conscious.
Realized
When a house burns up, it also burns down.
Realized
"strap-on" spelled backwards is "no-parts."
Realized
When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he's having a crappy day.
Realized
If Morgan Freeman goes to jail, he's just Morgan Man.
Realized
Life is a lot simpler if you don't have good-looking cousins.
Realized
Whatever doesn't kill you generally just isn't trying hard enough.
Realized
If all the starving people in the world died from starvation then only the people who are not starving would be left and World Hunger would be solved.
Realized
Osama Bin Laden was the last Horcrux.
Realized
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Realized
Pregnancy is the world's most celebrated STD.
Realized
If it is not within 30 feet, Dora can't see it.
Realized
No one ever really does anything for a Klondike Bar.
Realized
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Realized
High School is nothing like Glee.
Realized
After you die, someone has to delete your Facebook page.
Realized
If ladybugs weren't red with pretty little spots, we would kill them too.
Realized
If I had a dime for every time a homeless person asked me for money, I'd still say no.