Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
Get married on February 29th, this way you only have to buy your wife flowers once every four years.
Tips for success
When being chased by a police car, run a red light... either they will stop to follow the law or they will run the light too, in which case you can stop them for breaking the law.
Tips for success
Vote Sarah Palin for president in 2012. Everyone needs some laughs before the world ends.
Tips for success
Always ignore other's opinions. You will be admired for your independence.
Tips for success
When meeting your girlfriends uptight parents for the first time, laugh when the empty ketchup bottle makes a farting noise. It is considered proper etiquette.
Tips for success
Make cat videos on YouTube.
Tips for success
Start a fire in your house every week to ensure the sprinklers work perfectly in case real fire ever occurs.
Tips for success
When all else fails, lower your standards considerably.
Tips for success
Use your telescope to look at the sun. It's a star, too.
Tips for success
To get whiter teeth, simply cover them with whiteout.
Tips for success
After spilling a box of thumbtacks, walking around barefoot can help make sure you found them all.
Tips for success
Say "no" to drugs. If drugs are talking to you, you've already had too many.
Tips for success
In order to let others know how much you value water conservation, don't flush the toilet in public restrooms.
Tips for success
If your laptop starts to overheat from working too hard, pour a refreshing glass of ice water on it to cool it down and give it a well deserved break.
Tips for success
If trapped on a deserted island, eat the skinniest person first, then use the fat one as a raft to float home.
Tips for success
If you run out of handsoap, simply boil water and dip your hands into it. Heat kills bacteria.
Tips for success
When something says "Do Not Touch," it means don't touch the sign. You can touch whatever is near the sign though.
Tips for success
When you don't want to talk to someone on the phone anymore, hang up in the middle of your own sentence. They'll never suspect it.
Tips for success
When drowning be sure to take in water, it contains vital oxygen.
Tips for success
Mix colors and whites in your wash machine so people won't think you're racist.