Tips for success
Have a conversations with the snakes at a zoo. People will be impressed and think you are a wizard.
Tips for success
If you are looking for more color in your diet, try adding Fruit Loops to every meal.
Tips for success
When walking through a doorway, never hold the door open for girls. It will make them appreciate that you consider them equals.
Tips for success
Solar power is the future. Cut down all trees to eliminate unnecessary shade.
Tips for success
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too surprised.
Tips for success
Occasionally think "I know you can read my thoughts," just in case.
Tips for success
On a first date, say "I already know that," after everything she says. She will be impressed by your extensive knowledge.
Tips for success
If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants you to be more spontaneous, break up with them and scream "surprise!"
Tips for success
When sick, drink Lysol. It will kill 99.9% of the bacteria and viruses that are causing your sickness.
Tips for success
Snort lines of pollen to help build immunity to allergies.
Tips for success
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless you move to the other side.
Tips for success
For a quick and easy way to whiten teeth, try applying a coat of whiteout.
Tips for success
Look at the bright side of life. Stare at the sun.
Tips for success
When you meet a girl, instead of shaking her hand, go straight to second base. This will show her that you are confident and mean business.
Tips for success
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Tips for success
If you have a bad cough, take a large amount of laxatives. That way you'll be too afraid to cough.
Tips for success
Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they're not passing you some fake drugs.
Tips for success
Staring at the sun for prolonged periods of time will give you the ability to see aliens.
Tips for success
When people say "don't try this at home," they are being sarcastic.
Tips for success
Get a really bad hair piece. It worked for Donald Trump and it will work for you.
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