Tips for success
Ask a girl out on April Fool's day. If rejected, respond, "April fools!" just to make it feel like you weren't rejected.
Tips for success
To save money, reuse your condoms. It will help pay for the expensive dinner you had to take her to first.
Tips for success
Always answer your cell phone at the movie theater. It shows the other guests that you are popular and well-liked and in turn, they will like you.
Tips for success
If you are talentless and ugly, you will have success in the music industry.
Tips for success
Relax. Everyone you hate is going to eventually die.
Tips for success
Important things are boring. While in class yell out "BORING!!!" Your teacher will appreciate that you think school is so important.
Tips for success
To ensure your car gets completely clean, be sure to roll all of your windows down when going through a car wash.
Tips for success
Gingers are on the brink of extinction, try to take one home as a pet in order to save it from the horrors of the wild.
Tips for success
If your friend wants to learn to drive, don't stand in the way.
Tips for success
Grab fries from your best friend's plate. It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb calories if you take it from another person's plate.
Tips for success
Sing the Pink Panther theme song when stealing things. This raises your stealth ability by 50%.
Tips for success
To prevent from waking up on "the wrong side of the bed," simply never get out of bed.
Tips for success
If you want to be taken more seriously, never blink.
Tips for success
If she turned you down then you didn't use enough duct tape.
Tips for success
Name your child Harry. Encourage him to major in Ceramics.
Tips for success
Cut off one of your legs. You'll save a bundle when buying socks.
Tips for success
When trying to pick up a woman, always refer to yourself in the third person.
Tips for success
Live with your parents until you are 28. Get a fake tan and hair gel. Call MTV.
Tips for success
Money is considered a liability to banks. Steal some to relieve them of their burden.
Tips for success
Text while driving. Other drivers will admire you for being hip and popular.
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