Tips for success
If the back of your throat is itchy, use your finger to scratch it.
Tips for success
While driving, slam on your brakes unnecessarily and as often as possible in order to keep everyone around you alert and paranoid.
Tips for success
Shave with a dull razor, it's less likely to cut you.
Tips for success
Never take your own advice, it makes you seem arrogant and snobbish to those around you.
Tips for success
A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Tips for success
Hit every limousine that you can with your vehicle. It will increase your chances of meeting someone famous.
Tips for success
Tell everyone you have a six-pack. Then quietly add "...of crayons."
Tips for success
Put air quotes around random words. People "will" appreciate your fresh take on communicating.
Tips for success
Stare at your roommate while they're sleeping. They'll be touched that you're looking out for them.
Tips for success
When taking your driving test, run all stop signs. The instructor will appreciate that you're concerned for their time.
Tips for success
Looking for a quick way to burn fat? Try pushing a chubby kid into an oven.
Tips for success
Check your Facebook one last time before you start that homework you need to do.
Tips for success
It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty, as long as refills are free.
Tips for success
Never shower. Your natural pheremones will build up, and the ladies will be more attracted to you than ever.
Tips for success
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your car running and wipers on high.
Tips for success
Don't waste your time studying for finals. If it is meant to be, God will let you pass...
Tips for success
When a woman is upset with you it is often therapeutic for them to make sandwiches. Try suggesting she make you one.
Tips for success
Each time your partner calls out your name during sex, respond with "Yes, what do you want?"
Tips for success
If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait. The feeling will go away soon.
Tips for success
Whenever someone complains that a room is hot, ask if they would like you to leave.
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