Tips for success
Honesty is the best policy... if it's likely someone is going to find out you're lying.
Tips for success
When missing school due to illness, spend the day watching the Big Bang Theory. It will make up for the day's lack of education.
Tips for success
When called by an unlisted number, answer the phone with a heavy foreign accent and seem confused.
Tips for success
Turn your clocks ahead one week early to insure a smooth transition to day light savings time.
Tips for success
Crying yourself to sleep at night can help you lose that extra "water weight" that you've put on lately.
Tips for success
When approaching a door, assume the way you think it opens is wrong.
Tips for success
Only date girls with the same name. That way when you accidently call her by your ex-girlfriend's name... you won't get slapped.
Tips for success
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Tips for success
If you see your ex running around screaming while covered in blood, stay calm, take a breath, and reload.
Tips for success
When someone says,"Don't try this at home," simply go to the neighbor's house to try it.
Tips for success
Walk down alley ways on dark nights to reduce your risk of being hit by a car.
Tips for success
A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Tips for success
Duct tape can be used to reattach severed appendages and is much cheaper than stitches.
Tips for success
If your boyfriend has mouth herpes, kiss it to make it better.
Tips for success
A great way to start a relationship is to casually refer to a random woman as your girlfriend. Repeat this process until she becomes so confused that she actually thinks you are dating.
Tips for success
Don't use deodorant. The body gives off a natural pheromone designed for optimal attraction and arousal.
Tips for success
If you have a severe allergy to something, try to come in contact with it often in order to build up an immunity.
Tips for success
When people say "don't try this at home," they are being sarcastic.
Tips for success
English is easier to understand the louder you speak it. Yell at foreigners to be sure they understand you.
Tips for success
If there is just one cookie left, eat it quickly. Your friends will appreciate not having to fight over it.