Tips for success
If you see a lady on the train or bus without a seat, be a gentleman and offer her your lap.
Tips for success
When driving, put your turn signal on a few streets early to make sure the people behind you are well prepared for your turn.
Tips for success
Whenever you're with a group of friends, always take the last piece of cake. They will appreciate you caring about their health.
Tips for success
Slugs love salt. Carry a little salt shaker in your bag so you can give a slug a surprise snack when you see him.
Tips for success
Make your dying words, "I hid it in South America."
Tips for success
Your mom will find it funny when you nonchalantly slip a pregnancy test into the shopping cart...
Tips for success
When you stumble, make it part of a dance.
Tips for success
To protect the rest of the population, take a bite out of every fruit and vegetable at the supermarket to ensure they are not poisoned. The managers will be so impressed by your bravery, they will arrange an honorary police escort to take you home.
Tips for success
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
Tips for success
Stop being optimistic. You'll never be disappointed.
Tips for success
If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling hot water down your throat.
Tips for success
To give your car a little extra energy, simply add sugar to the gas tank.
Tips for success
Push all your friends off a cliff. Don't jump. Prove to your mom that you don't do things just because everyone else is doing them.
Tips for success
Save your breath, you are going to need it to inflate your valentine.
Tips for success
Correcting peoples' grammar and spelling on Facebook will make you seem scholarly and intelligent.
Tips for success
On the 4th of July don't let kids play with fireworks. For safety, leave them to the adults that have been drinking all day.
Tips for success
If you never try at anything, you will avoid the pain of failing.
Tips for success
If you want to get hired as a teacher, hang around a local school and wear sunglasses and a moustache.
Tips for success
Always log into StumbleUpon right before a deadline to get your creative juices flowing.
Tips for success
When running for President, be sure to use the word "maverick," whenever possible.
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