Tips for success
Make girls think you're a busy, successful person by responding to their texts with one word answers.
Tips for success
When a friend of yours tells you a secret, and says to "Not tell a soul!" It is technically safe to tell all of your ginger friends.
Tips for success
Don't talk about your mother-in-law at a family gathering when she's standing behind you.
Tips for success
You can't be late if you don't show up.
Tips for success
Wear athletic pants at all times. That way people might believe that you actually work out.
Tips for success
There is always money in the banana stand.
Tips for success
Always ask a woman with a large stomach when she is due.
Tips for success
Never smile or laugh, it only leads to laugh lines and wrinkles.
Tips for success
Get a really bad hair piece. It worked for Donald Trump and it will work for you.
Tips for success
Construction vehicles with the "DO NOT FOLLOW" signs just want to keep the treasure all to themselves. Follow them as closely, and for as long, as possible.
Tips for success
When you are choking, put your thumbs up. It lets everyone else know that you require immediate help.
Tips for success
Ask a woman if she has gained weight. She will feel a sense of pride when she can truthfully answer, "No!"
Tips for success
When in doubt, mumble.
Tips for success
After the third time you ask someone to repeat something and you still can't understand them, just nod your head and smile.
Tips for success
The next time you see a slug, give it a soothing salt bath. They will find it very relaxing.
Tips for success
If a speaker looks nervous, get up and walk out of the room. It will make them feel better to talk to fewer people.
Tips for success
If you notice that someone has a wedgie, help them out by removing it.
Tips for success
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Tips for success
Avoid arguments about lifting or lowering the toilet seat by using the sink instead.
Tips for success
When on a date with a woman, make sure to make her pay the bill. She will appreciate you treating her as an equal.