Tips for success
If you want to be taken more seriously, never blink.
Tips for success
To show your love for your dog feed them Hershey Kisses.
Tips for success
Studies show that attraction is based off of signs of fertility. Get pregnant to become more attractive.
Tips for success
Time is money. Steal clocks.
Tips for success
You can milk anything with nipples.
Tips for success
Grab fries from your best friend's plate. It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb calories if you take it from another person's plate.
Tips for success
Wear athletic pants at all times. That way people might believe that you actually work out.
Tips for success
If you run out of baby powder, powdered sugar is an acceptable substitute.
Tips for success
Live with your parents until you are 28. Get a fake tan and hair gel. Call MTV.
Tips for success
Never tell your wife she looks good. You wouldn't want her to stop trying, would you?
Tips for success
When in doubt, ask the voices inside your head.
Tips for success
To make sure you don't fall asleep studying, play loud music. Your parents will be proud of your determination.
Tips for success
In order to get the highest possible score on your essay, set the font color to your teacher's favorite color.
Tips for success
For a quick and easy way to whiten teeth, try applying a coat of whiteout.
Tips for success
Date ugly guys. They're less likely to cheat.
Tips for success
Wear clothes way too small for you. Your body will get used to the size and mould itself accordingly.
Tips for success
When being chased by a police car, run a red light... either they will stop to follow the law or they will run the light too, in which case you can stop them for breaking the law.
Tips for success
Cat hacking up hairballs? Simply add Drano to their water bowl.
Tips for success
CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.
Tips for success
When getting married, always choose your fat, ugly friends for bridesmaids. You will boost their ego as well as yours. It's a win-win situation.
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