Tips for success
Drop out of school. This way you can maximize your availability of hours while working at McDonald's.
Tips for success
Mayonnaise is a great cheap alternative to suntan lotion.
Tips for success
Eating food is too time-consuming. Smoke whenever you feel hungry to suppress your appetite.
Tips for success
Make your date pay for her own meal to let her know you support her independence.
Tips for success
When something says "Do Not Touch," it means don't touch the sign. You can touch whatever is near the sign though.
Tips for success
To check that your bottle of pepper spray is full and working, lightly mist your face with it.
Tips for success
When you find a bridge, jump first. That way, everyone will know you're a leader and not a follower.
Tips for success
To be sure of always hitting the target, shoot first. Call whatever you hit the target.
Tips for success
If you have a bad cough, take a large amount of laxatives. That way you'll be too afraid to cough.
Tips for success
Don't count your chickens before they hatch, just eat the eggs.
Tips for success
Be the first to jump off a bridge to eliminate any chances of following a friend.
Tips for success
Soak your paper cuts in lemon juice to speed up the healing process.
Tips for success
Get a nose job. Surgically change your skin color. Hit on little boys.
Tips for success
Look annoyed all the time, people will think you are busy and important.
Tips for success
Keep your blinkers on at all times just in case you should decide to turn at some point. You can never be too prepared.
Tips for success
To ensure proper ventilation, make sure you poke plenty of holes in all of your condoms.
Tips for success
Periodically ask your wife if she can still fit into her wedding dress. This will make her appreciate how long you've been married.
Tips for success
To stay warm in the winter months, do your shopping wearing a ski mask.
Tips for success
When a friend of yours tells you a secret, and says to "Not tell a soul!" It is technically safe to tell all of your ginger friends.
Tips for success
While showering, don't close your eyes to rinse, you might get stabbed.
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