Butcher the National Anthem at the Super Bowl and sound terrible while doing it.
Tips for success
Spend as much time as you could have spent studying for an exam trying to come up with a way to cheat on it instead.
Tips for success
Say no to drugs, it'll drive the price down.
Tips for success
Tardiness on the first day of work is a good way to show your boss that you are a well rounded person who has higher priorities in life than work.
Tips for success
When job interviewers ask you about your previous experience, they mean sexually. Be specific.
Tips for success
Always ignore other's opinions. You will be admired for your independence.
Tips for success
When working on a test you may come across a question you don't know the answer to. Instead of skipping it, write, "Isn't it obvious?" and then move on.
Tips for success
To save money on your heating bill, simply go through menopause. The hot flashes will keep you warm for at least a decade.
Tips for success
When calling people, make sure to breathe heavily into the phone so they know you're alive.
Tips for success
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Tips for success
Log off Facebook for about an hour, it will make it seem like you have a life.
Tips for success
If someone tells you, "You're dreaming pal!" kick them in the shin. It's ok because after all, it's just a dream.
Tips for success
Make your New Year's resolution 1440x900.
Tips for success
Some people can't afford popcorn at the movies. Be considerate and throw some their way.
Tips for success
Cover food that has the potential to splatter in the microwave with aluminum foil.
Tips for success
When you stub your toe, kick the object responsible so that it may feel your pain.
Tips for success
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars, or the unimaginable, hideous, gaping void of space... one of the two.
Tips for success
Chocolate will heal sadness and help shed pounds off of your waistline. Eat it whenever possible.
Tips for success
If you want to be taken more seriously, never blink.
Tips for success
People may tell you spandex isn't for you, these people are just jealous.
Tips for success
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