Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
Always look your best when getting arrested. You never know when Cops will be filming in your area.
Tips for success
On the 4th of July don't let kids play with fireworks. For safety, leave them to the adults that have been drinking all day.
Tips for success
Never assume the glass door is open.
Tips for success
Don't worry what people think. They don't do it that often.
Tips for success
If you meet someone who you think is ugly or fat, tell them! Remember, honesty is always the best policy...
Tips for success
Don't take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.
Tips for success
If you love something set it free, if you hate something set it on fire.
Tips for success
If your girlfriend tells you that she feels empty inside, tell her to try eating something.
Tips for success
Never tell your wife she looks good. You wouldn't want her to stop trying, would you?
Tips for success
The best day to ask girls out is April Fool's Day. That way if she says no, you can act like you were joking.
Tips for success
The less time you spend driving in foul weather the safer you will be. Drive fast to minimize road time.
Tips for success
When someone tells you to, "expect the unexpected," slap them in the face and ask them if they expected it.
Tips for success
If your roommate talks in her sleep, be sure to cover her face with a pillow so that she won't wake herself up.
Tips for success
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, therefore eating gallons and gallons of ice cream will make you stronger.
Tips for success
Save money on condoms by washing them after each use.
Tips for success
Soak your paper cuts in lemon juice to speed up the healing process.
Tips for success
If you have to get a blood transfusion make sure to get tiger's blood.
Tips for success
Make your New Year's resolution 1440x900.
Tips for success
If you run out of baby powder, powdered sugar is an acceptable substitute.
Tips for success
To save time in the shower, wash only the top half of your body. Let gravity do the rest.