Tips for success
Diet pills make for an excellent Valentine's day gift for your wife.
Tips for success
Look both ways before you cross the street. For all you know there could be someone giving out free candy in the middle of the street.
Tips for success
To save time and money, just wear all the clothes you plan to bring on vacation to avoid checked baggage fees at the airport.
Tips for success
If someone tells you, "You're dreaming pal!" kick them in the shin. It's ok because after all, it's just a dream.
Tips for success
Socks and sandals are fashionable. If people make fun of you, it's because they feel inferior to your supreme intellectual abilities.
Tips for success
Sing along with your headphones so everyone can enjoy the song.
Tips for success
Don't sleep on a full stomach. Sleep on a bed like a normal person.
Tips for success
Don't drink and drive. You'll spill the drink.
Tips for success
Be as rude as possible on the first date. This way she'll know it can only get better.
Tips for success
Be sure to pick and eat your scabs. You'll be doing your body a favor by returning precious blood to where it belongs rather than letting it fall and go to waste.
Tips for success
Be sure to hire a terrible babysitter, that way your kids will be glad to see you when you come home.
Tips for success
To make easy cash, set up a lemonade stand in a busy place. Perhaps in the middle of a highway.
Tips for success
Rip off your shirt. Act like a wolf. Girls love it.
Tips for success
If someone hates you for seemingly no reason, give them a reason.
Tips for success
When going on a date, always bring along a weird, creepy friend of yours. That way you'll seem really cool in comparison.
Tips for success
Girls are competitive about the size of their boobs. Stare at your favorite pair to show your support.
Tips for success
When you aren't sure what the speed limit is, go faster so you can reach the sign as soon as possible.
Tips for success
Don't study until the night before a big exam. This will ensure that all the information is fresh in your mind.
Tips for success
Tell the same joke over and over. It will get funnier each time.
Tips for success
To make a good first impression on your roommate, on the first day of classes turn their alarm clock off. They will appreciate the extra sleep.
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