Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
If you're ugly, move to England, pick up an accent, and then move back home.
Tips for success
When on a first date, send morse code messages by tapping your utensils incessantly against their glass. This will make him or her realize how clever and mysterious you are.
Tips for success
When at the grocery store, open the egg cartons and crack the eggshells apart. You'll win karma points for saving other customers the trouble of doing it later.
Tips for success
Tattoo a tuxedo onto your body so that you are always dressed for the occasion.
Tips for success
Never smile or laugh, it only leads to laugh lines and wrinkles.
Tips for success
When job interviewers ask you about your previous experience, they mean sexually. Be specific.
Tips for success
The older the pedestrian, the more bonus points they are worth.
Tips for success
Girls like strong guys. Punch them in the face to show how strong you are.
Tips for success
When people decide to hate you for no reason, give them a reason.
Tips for success
If somebody is lying on the floor in pain, crying, and you have a cell phone, lodging the phone in their throat will often stop the crying.
Tips for success
Open a pack of gum in class, become the most popular kid in school for a few seconds.
Tips for success
Fainting goats have the right idea. Next time something upsets or stresses you, just fall to the ground and lie there until you feel better.
Tips for success
To make sure no boys will ever write poems about your daughter, name her Orange.
Tips for success
In the middle of the night, sneak into your little sister's room and quietly behead all of her dolls. This is a harmless way to teach her that everything dies.
Tips for success
Pay attention in your High School Spanish class... It will help you in your future career at Taco Bell.
Tips for success
The best way to win at Monopoly is to declare yourself as the IRS.
Tips for success
To make sure you don't fall asleep studying, play loud music. Your parents will be proud of your determination.
Tips for success
Always borrow money from pessimists. They won't expect it back.
Tips for success
If you and your friend run into a bear in the woods and you only have one bullet left in your gun, shoot your friend in the leg.
Tips for success
Date ugly guys. They're less likely to cheat.