Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
When waterskiing, give your driver a thumbs up so he knows you like the speed he is pulling you at.
Tips for success
To be more efficient with your time, avoid washing your hands after using the restroom.
Tips for success
To show your love for your dog feed them Hershey Kisses.
Tips for success
Nothing says "I love you" like a plastic heart-shaped balloon that says "I love you."
Tips for success
To avoid dealing with your period every month, simply get pregnant as often as possible.
Tips for success
When your girlfriend is sobbing about an unrelated problem, break up with her. The shock will stop her tears.
Tips for success
If she keeps talking about how she wishes she had a date to the dance, bring up the dozens of girls you've turned down. It will make her feel less alone.
Tips for success
To save time, iron your shirts after you put them on.
Tips for success
When talking, use hand movements that have nothing to do with the situation.
Tips for success
To save money on food, clothing, and electricity, get sent to prison.
Tips for success
If your teacher ever asks you whether you'd like to share what you and your friend were whispering, don't hesitate to let her know that you were just discussing the poor teaching methods she uses and how you'd all be better off without her. She'll appreciate your honesty and confidence.
Tips for success
When looking for your kidnapped girlfriend, always start with the closest castle and go on from there. She couldn't possibly be in the giant, intricate, heavily-guarded castle that's home to the very person you know took her.
Tips for success
The lower a person's pants hang off of them, the cooler they are. To be the coolest person ever, simply wear no pants.
Tips for success
When doing a class presentation speak with a heavy accent. If they don't understand what you are saying, they won't ask questions.
Tips for success
If you can't explain something, simply say "Inception."
Tips for success
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Tips for success
Make your dying words, "I hid it in South America."
Tips for success
You like someone for their good qualities and love them for their foibles. Have as many foibles as possible so people love you more.
Tips for success
When someone doesn't text you back, make sure to text them multiple times to show how concerned you are about them.
Tips for success
Borrow money from pessimists. They never expect it back.