Tips for success
When winter comes and everyone else is freezing, remember that increasing circulation by slapping people will make them warmer.
Tips for success
Rewrite the words to a funny submission. Submit it as your own.
Tips for success
For long-lasting lip color, use red nail polish in place of lip gloss.
Tips for success
When getting a haircut, continue nodding your head in approval the entire time, so that your hair-stylist knows you like the work that they've done.
Tips for success
When being chased by a police car, run a red light... either they will stop to follow the law or they will run the light too, in which case you can stop them for breaking the law.
Tips for success
To give your car a little extra energy, simply add sugar to the gas tank.
Tips for success
If you have a crush on somebody, stalk them. It shows devotion and they'll soon fall for you.
Tips for success
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Tips for success
To ensure that your Facebook friends are always entertained, update your status approximately every five minutes, preferably with tidbits about your failed relationships.
Tips for success
When your mother asks you to do something, do it really badly so she won't ask you again.
Tips for success
When buying hair dye, always look at the model's hair style on the box, your hair will look exactly like that.
Tips for success
Do whatever your Rice Krispies tell you to do.
Tips for success
If a midget ever tells you, I'm not happy, ask them, then which one are you?
Tips for success
Need to lose weight? Cover everything you eat in butter. That way, it will slide through your digestive system without the calories being absorbed.
Tips for success
People are constantly in danger of becoming cocky and overconfident. In order to prevent this, be sure to point out your friends' flaws on a daily basis.
Tips for success
The number on your sunscreen is how many days it lasts. Pick a number like 30 so you only need to apply it once a month.
Tips for success
If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.
Tips for success
For Mother's Day get your mom nothing... after all, less is more.
Tips for success
Next time you see a person who is sick, point and laugh at them... it's the best medicine.
Tips for success
Create an alter-ego on Facebook to comment on all of your statuses and write on your wall. It will make you seem cool and not desperate at all.
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