Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
Never make eye contact with a clown.
Tips for success
Pour ipecac into a recovering bulimic's drink to remind them of the good old days.
Tips for success
Don't talk about your mother-in-law at a family gathering when she's standing behind you.
Tips for success
If you think chivalry is dead, get arrested. The police officers will kindly open and close the car door for you.
Tips for success
Studies show that attraction is based off of signs of fertility. Get pregnant to become more attractive.
Tips for success
If your significant other tells you that they are "seeing other people," he or she is hallucinating and needs professional help immediately. Reassure them that you will always be there for them in this period of darkness.
Tips for success
If you have a bad cough, take a large amount of laxatives. That way you'll be too afraid to cough.
Tips for success
When approaching a door, assume the way you think it opens is wrong.
Tips for success
Never brush your teeth right before going to the dentist. This way he won't think you only brush when you have visits.
Tips for success
If you run out of handsoap, simply boil water and dip your hands into it. Heat kills bacteria.
Tips for success
When your Irish friend comes over for dinner, dress up as a leprechaun and only serve potatoes. They will love the fact that you appreciate their heritage.
Tips for success
Always have a fat friend... you never know when you'll need to outrun something.
Tips for success
Girls love guys who have confidence. Believe everything you say is right, refuse to be told otherwise, and you'll have them swooning over you in no time.
Tips for success
Thinking of eating at McDonald's? Why not have an attractive person with nice skin point at you and laugh instead? This saves time and money.
Tips for success
When driving, go down the roads that say "DO NOT ENTER." It's a shortcut that someone doesn't want you to know about.
Tips for success
Eating value meals at work will show your boss that you are money conscious.
Tips for success
Don't cry over spilled milk... unless it was part of a five-dollar drink from Starbucks.
Tips for success
Be a total douche to all girls. This will ensure that you never get stuck in the friend zone.
Tips for success
If your computer is starting to slow down, give it some water. It is probably experiencing dehydration.
Tips for success
When going to a fast food restaurant, walk through the drive-thru. The employees and the people in the cars behind you will appreciate your effort to save the environment.