Tips for success
To insure that you hit the target, shoot first then call whatever you hit the target.
Tips for success
When applying to college make sure to accentuate that you are a white middle class American.
Tips for success
If you ever get lost somewhere scary, commit a crime. The police will be sure to escort you directly to your safe home.
Tips for success
To encourage your girlfriend to lose weight, hang pictures of supermodels all over your house. She will appreciate the inspiration.
Tips for success
Wear a tuxedo to work. It's classy.
Tips for success
When life gives you lemons, find somebody with a papercut.
Tips for success
If you meet someone who you think is ugly or fat, tell them! Remember, honesty is always the best policy...
Tips for success
Shake your baby. It helps develop their muscle tone.
Tips for success
Be the first to jump off a bridge to eliminate any chances of following a friend.
Tips for success
If the back of your throat is itchy, use your finger to scratch it.
Tips for success
Pee on your girlfriend's leg. She will be flattered that you consider her to be part of your territory.
Tips for success
Dropping garbage on the ground shows that you value the janitor's job. Do your part to help the economy grow by littering today.
Tips for success
The best way to win at Monopoly is to declare yourself as the IRS.
Tips for success
To get A's in school, always remember to choose A for every answer. Your teacher will see that you are determined and will reward you.
Tips for success
When crying in order to get something, or to get out of something, make sure you aren't wearing waterproof mascara.
Tips for success
To get your crush to call you, smash into their parked car and leave a note.
Tips for success
Never tell your wife she looks good. You wouldn't want her to stop trying, would you?
Tips for success
To help combat global warming, turn on all the air conditioners in your house.
Tips for success
To save your orthodontist time, take off your own braces with pliers.
Tips for success
The less time you spend driving in foul weather the safer you will be. Drive fast to minimize road time.