Tips for success
When you find yourself in an awkard silence, point out the fact that it's awkward. That will surely make it less awkward.
Tips for success
Tell your girlfriend that she, "belongs in the kitchen." She will be flattered and appreciate how much you enjoy her cooking.
Tips for success
If trapped on a deserted island, eat the skinniest person first, then use the fat one as a raft to float home.
Tips for success
If your phone rings during a job interview, make sure to answer it. Your interviewer will realize how important you are and hire you on the spot.
Tips for success
Socks and sandals are fashionable. If people make fun of you, it's because they feel inferior to your supreme intellectual abilities.
Tips for success
To avoid awkward silences while on dates, never stop talking.
Tips for success
If you have no idea what to say next in a fight, drop down and act like you're having a heart attack.
Tips for success
Make out with your cousin to teach your parents a lesson.
Tips for success
If someone you like tells you you're beautiful, tell them they are ugly. Opposites attract.
Tips for success
Stock up on bubble wrap for when you have a bad day.
Tips for success
Girls are competitive about the size of their boobs. Stare at your favorite pair to show your support.
Tips for success
If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling hot water down your throat.
Tips for success
Never follow an overweight middle-aged woman into the bathroom.
Tips for success
Be a pessimist, you're always either right or pleasantly surprised.
Tips for success
Give a man a fire, and warm him for a day. Light a man on fire, and he'll leave you alone forever.
Tips for success
For Mother's Day get your mom nothing... after all, less is more.
Tips for success
Poke old people at funerals and say, "you're next." They really get a kick out of it.
Tips for success
Don't cover your mouth when sneezing; people will thank you for helping them strengthen their immune system.
Tips for success
When running for President, be sure to use the word "maverick," whenever possible.
Tips for success
Dropping garbage on the ground shows that you value the janitor's job. Do your part to help the economy grow by littering today.
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