Tips for success
Fail the first semester. That way you don't set an unrealistically high standard for the rest of the school year.
Tips for success
Pay attention in your High School Spanish class... It will help you in your future career at Taco Bell.
Tips for success
Don't study until the night before a big exam. This will ensure that all the information is fresh in your mind.
Tips for success
If you notice wrinkles forming in your birthday suit iron them out.
Tips for success
To insure that you hit the target, shoot first then call whatever you hit the target.
Tips for success
Next time you see a person who is sick, point and laugh at them... it's the best medicine.
Tips for success
To clean your cellphone, throw it in the washing machine with the rest of your clothes.
Tips for success
On a first date, be sure to tell your date that you already got a hotel room for the night. She will be impressed by your ability to think ahead.
Tips for success
Don't wear a bra, it's just a waste of time and energy.
Tips for success
To save your orthodontist time, take off your own braces with pliers.
Tips for success
When meeting a midget for the first time, it's considered proper etiquette to tussle their hair. In more formal settings, "I got your nose!" is more appropriate.
Tips for success
If you and your friend run into a bear in the woods and you only have one bullet left in your gun, shoot your friend in the leg.
Tips for success
Crying is an effective way to remove make-up. Break as many girls' hearts as possible to save them money on make-up remover.
Tips for success
To get into college avoid being a middle class Caucasian.
Tips for success
Text during exams. It shows your teacher that you can multi-task.
Tips for success
Ask a girl out on April Fool's day. If rejected, respond, "April fools!" just to make it feel like you weren't rejected.
Tips for success
When in an akward silence, saying 'Barbra Streisand' will usually result in a dance party.
Tips for success
Some people can't afford popcorn at the movies. Be considerate and throw some their way.
Tips for success
Someone tells a joke. Immediately repeat the joke, because similar to fine wine, jokes get better with age.
Tips for success
To soothe sore or dry throats, try drinking a bottle of lotion.