Tips for success
Whenever you really want to see someone, simply talk badly about them to another person and when you turn around, he will be standing there.
Tips for success
Keep all your private stuff in a folder with a weird name. No one's going to check "Dental Records 1996."
Tips for success
If you notice wrinkles forming in your birthday suit iron them out.
Tips for success
Beauty is only skin deep- remember to judge potential mates by the quality of their internal organs.
Tips for success
Never hit a man with glasses. To be effective, hit him with something much bigger and heavier.
Tips for success
If at first you don't succeed spray on more Axe, she'll come around.
Tips for success
When job interviewers ask you about your previous experience, they mean sexually. Be specific.
Tips for success
When you end up sitting by the window on an airplane, make frequent trips to the restroom. The people around you will appreciate that you're sharing the view with them.
Tips for success
To save money on the new iPhone, melt your phone and iPod Touch together.
Tips for success
To avoid Easter with your family this year, try to beat your personal record at driving with your eyes closed on the way over.
Tips for success
When out on a picnic, spray your food with bug spray so the bugs stay away.
Tips for success
When you have a cold, take a laxative instead of cough medicine. Not only are laxatives cheaper, but you'll have a reason to keep from coughing.
Tips for success
Locking your door during a fire will usually keep the fire out.
Tips for success
If a huge boulder is about to fall on your head pull out a piece of paper. Paper beats rock.
Tips for success
When something has a sign that says "Do not touch" it is actually a test of how daring you are. Touch it.
Tips for success
When life gives you scurvy, make lemonade.
Tips for success
To reward yourself for losing the weight you set out to lose, take yourself out to dinner at a fast food restaurant.
Tips for success
Buy a Hummer and wear Ed Hardy t-shirts.
Tips for success
Don't study until the night before a big exam. This will ensure that all the information is fresh in your mind.
Tips for success
When on a date always be texting. It will make her think you're really important.
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