Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
Flossing is simply a suggestion and should be treated as such.
Tips for success
If you're addicted to drugs, have as many kids as possible. That way it will increase the probability of one of them becoming rich and being able to support your addiction.
Tips for success
Being hipster is becoming too mainstream. Get ahead of the crowd and be mainstream so you can say that you turned mainstream before it was popular.
Tips for success
Don't discriminate, hate everyone equally.
Tips for success
Rip off your shirt. Act like a wolf. Girls love it.
Tips for success
Make friends with a bunch of fat people. That way whenever you hang out with them, you will be skinny in comparison.
Tips for success
Don't cross into Soviet Russia while riding a horse.
Tips for success
Get a dog instead of having children. A ruined rug is better than a ruined life.
Tips for success
If your girlfriend is getting mad at you, tell her it's okay because you know she's PMSing. She will be happy that you understand what girls go through.
Tips for success
Mayonnaise is a great cheap alternative to suntan lotion.
Tips for success
Bring an expensive hooker on a first date with a girl. It will show her you have money.
Tips for success
Poke old people at funerals and say, "you're next." They really get a kick out of it.
Tips for success
There are 2 rules to success: 1. Never tell everything you know.
Tips for success
When interviewing for a job, don't shower for weeks, your natural pheromones will help you stand out from the other candidates.
Tips for success
Perfume tastes just as good as it smells. Try it as an alternative to mouth wash.
Tips for success
The best way to win at Monopoly is to declare yourself as the IRS.
Tips for success
Be as rude as possible on the first date. This way she'll know it can only get better.
Tips for success
Slugs love salt. Carry a little salt shaker in your bag so you can give a slug a surprise snack when you see him.
Tips for success
That friend with a bladder control issue? I bet a surprise party would really cheer them up a lot.
Tips for success
Go bald. Never have a bad hair day.