Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
If you can't beat the enemy, join them... then kill them in their sleep.
Tips for success
Professors prefer that you cite Wikipedia as the main source in all your research papers.
Tips for success
Make friends with a bunch of fat people. That way whenever you hang out with them, you will be skinny in comparison.
Tips for success
Give a man a fire, and warm him for a day. Light a man on fire, and warm him for the rest of his life.
Tips for success
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your car running and wipers on high.
Tips for success
Flirt with the guy that your best friend has been in love with for the past three years in front of her face. She will appreciate you showing her how it's done.
Tips for success
Have your significant other's name tattooed on yourself to make the relationship permanent.
Tips for success
Locking your door during a fire will usually keep the fire out.
Tips for success
Make sure to leave all your windows and doors open when you have the air conditioner on. It will help cool down the earth and slow global warming.
Tips for success
If you have a problem, it can be solved with alcohol. Unless your problem is alcoholism.
Tips for success
If she asks, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She probably means her hair. Do not guess your way up starting with "New socks?"
Tips for success
You're body will form to whatever you are wearing. To look thinner, wear clothes that are several sizes too small.
Tips for success
If you're choking, simply drink Drano to unclog your throat.
Tips for success
Never punch a man with glasses. Use something larger.
Tips for success
To ensure that your children will not be saddened by your inevitable death, have your butler smother them in their sleep.
Tips for success
After the third time you ask someone to repeat something and you still can't understand them, just nod your head and smile.
Tips for success
Eat corn on the cob and steak before going to the dentist. This will ensure that you get your money's worth on the cleaning.
Tips for success
To prove your knowledge about days of the week, write a song about "Friday."
Tips for success
If you have dirt in your eye, scrub it thoroughly with soap and warm water.
Tips for success
If your Boss fires you, he was probablly joking. Just continue going to work on your schedule, and he will be proud of you for catching on to his joke. He might even give you a promotion.