There are 2 rules to success:
1. Never tell everything you know.
Tips for success
Looking for a quick way to burn fat? Try pushing a chubby kid into an oven.
Tips for success
Spend as much time as you could have spent studying for an exam trying to come up with a way to cheat on it instead.
Tips for success
If someone starts talking to you and you have no clue what they are saying, keep nodding vigorously until they go away.
Tips for success
Wearing your contacts and glasses at the same time will give you x-ray vision.
Tips for success
Borrow money from pessimists. They never expect it back.
Tips for success
Stay pretty so you never have to fend for yourself.
Tips for success
Don't replace the toilet paper roll when you finish it. I will teach the person after you to always think ahead.
Tips for success
If you ask a woman if she's pregnant, and it turns out she isn't, tell her that she's about to be. This will defuse the awkwardness of the situation.
Tips for success
To wake up twice as fast in the morning, rather than drinking your coffee, try dumping it in your lap.
Tips for success
When looking for your kidnapped girlfriend, always start with the closest castle and go on from there. She couldn't possibly be in the giant, intricate, heavily-guarded castle that's home to the very person you know took her.
Tips for success
When your boss makes a terrible joke, inform him. He will appreciate your feedback so that he can be funnier next time.
Tips for success
Pepper spray is a convenient spray-on version of ground pepper. Use it on all of your favorite foods!
Tips for success
The more you tell other people about your success, the more they will respect you. This is especially true if you point out their shortcomings in the process.
Tips for success
If someone tells you, "You're dreaming pal!" kick them in the shin. It's ok because after all, it's just a dream.
Tips for success
If you can't get it with cleavage, it's not worth your time.
Tips for success
Sing the Pink Panther theme song when stealing things. This raises your stealth ability by 50%.
Tips for success
If no one sees you eat it, the calories don't count...
Tips for success
When someone says,"Don't try this at home," simply go to the neighbor's house to try it.
Tips for success
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