Tips for success
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Tips for success
Cover food that has the potential to splatter in the microwave with aluminum foil.
Tips for success
A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Tips for success
To make sure you don't fall asleep studying, play loud music. Your parents will be proud of your determination.
Tips for success
Make cat videos on YouTube.
Tips for success
Get pregnant. You won't have to deal with your period for nine months.
Tips for success
To avoid a last minute time crunch on Christmas, wrap the puppy in a box several weeks in advance.
Tips for success
Turn up women's tennis, it will make your neighbors think you're getting laid.
Tips for success
Doodling looks a lot like taking notes.
Tips for success
Wear pants one size bigger than yours, it will make people think you lost weight.
Tips for success
Don't eat soap, no matter how good it smells.
Tips for success
When running for President, be sure to use the word "maverick," whenever possible.
Tips for success
To avoid awkward silences while on dates, never stop talking.
Tips for success
When on a date with a girl, tell her you're a misogynist. Girls like guys with great massaging skills.
Tips for success
Say no to drugs. Because if drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too much already.
Tips for success
To freshen your breath, smoke mint cigarettes.
Tips for success
Don't make a dancer mad. They can kick your face no matter how tall you are.
Tips for success
On the 4th of July don't let kids play with fireworks. For safety, leave them to the adults that have been drinking all day.
Tips for success
Even your eyeballs need a good cleaning. Be sure to scrub them out really well with soap every once in a while.
Tips for success
Right before opening a soda bottle or can, shake it vigorously to mix all the flavor together, therefore making your drink taste better and more satisfying.