Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
If at first you don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught, then lie.
Tips for success
Cough on your friends when you're sick. They will thank you when they get to call in sick for work.
Tips for success
When picking up girls at the bar, remember that "no" means "yes," and "yes" means "double yes."
Tips for success
Chocolate will heal sadness and help shed pounds off of your waistline. Eat it whenever possible.
Tips for success
Color in the stains with a sharpie marker to make sure the drycleaner doesn't miss them.
Tips for success
When life gives you lemons, make a corny catchphrase about it.
Tips for success
To teach your nosy neighbors a lesson, name your WIFI network, "send help, held hostage."
Tips for success
Show your driver you trust them by not wearing a seatbelt.
Tips for success
Keep screaming "Lumos!" until someone turns the light off for you.
Tips for success
Eat only cookies, pie, cake, and hamburgers. Tell people you are maintaining a well-rounded diet.
Tips for success
If you ask a woman if she's pregnant, and it turns out she isn't, tell her that she's about to be. This will defuse the awkwardness of the situation.
Tips for success
if a girl turns you down, apply more Axe.
Tips for success
To give your car a little extra energy, simply add sugar to the gas tank.
Tips for success
When your girlfriend complains that she looks horrible, console her by telling her that she is less likely to get raped this way.
Tips for success
Never text her back within the hour. It will create suspense; your relationship will blossom.
Tips for success
Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line...
Tips for success
Never smile. It gives you wrinkles and is a sign of weakness.
Tips for success
Instead of asking people to pass you food, just reach over the table. Your friends and family will appreciate that you're trying to save them the trouble.
Tips for success
Instead of a lemonade stand, set up a booth for free mammograms.
Tips for success
Crying yourself to sleep at night can help you lose that extra "water weight" that you've put on lately.