Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
To strengthen your relationship with your daughter, try bringing up her period at the dinner table.
Tips for success
When life hands you lemons, get married. Your wife may be able to turn them into a sandwich.
Tips for success
When push comes to shove, shove back harder.
Tips for success
If someone tells you to stop and smell the flowers, kick them in the face without slowing down.
Tips for success
Leave your sidewalk unshoveled in the winter. It will give the pedestrians the feeling of hiking across Alaska without the cost of airfare.
Tips for success
When you get belligerently drunk, be sure that the pictures make it to Facebook so everyone can see how much fun you had. Potential employers want someone who knows how to have a good time.
Tips for success
To find spots you missed while applying sunscreen, lay out in the sun for a few hours. The spots will conveniently turn red.
Tips for success
Get a nose job. Surgically change your skin color. Hit on little boys.
Tips for success
Rip off your shirt. Act like a wolf. Girls love it.
Tips for success
Imitation is the highest form or flattery. Your friends will be delighted if you copy their project that they spent the last 2 weeks on.
Tips for success
A watched pot never boils... Always leave the stove unattended after turning it on, in order to ensure that your food will actually cook.
Tips for success
To make your own Holy water, boil the Hell out of it.
Tips for success
To keep your toilet fresh, always keep it covered in clear plastic wrap. Your roommates will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Tips for success
Occasionally drop "no pun intended" into a conversation when there really is no pun, just enjoy the confused look on everyones faces... no pun intended.
Tips for success
Be the first of your friends to jump off a cliff to prove to your mom that you are a leader.
Tips for success
Decline to be seated at a restaurant; simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
Tips for success
Before you go and blow up someone's Death Star, make sure that certain someone isn't your dad.
Tips for success
Banging your head on your desk can burn up to 60 calories per hour.
Tips for success
When a telemarketer calls, tell them the person they're trying to reach has died.
Tips for success
To heal a broken heart, eat bandaids.