Tips for success
Randomly walk across a street with lots of traffic. Cars will honk at you out of admiration for your bravery.
Tips for success
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Date all of your best friend's exes.
Tips for success
In order to make it seem like you have a life, go offline for a few hours.
Tips for success
Always borrow money from pessimists. They won't expect it back.
Tips for success
When someone says "cats have nine lives," kill their cat. They will appreciate that you corrected their misunderstanding.
Tips for success
Become so fat that you create your own gravitational pull. Men will literally be unable to keep themselves away from you.
Tips for success
If your roommate talks in her sleep, be sure to cover her face with a pillow so that she won't wake herself up.
Tips for success
When on a diet eat the whole package of cookies at once. This will effectively remove future temptations.
Tips for success
Decline to be seated at a restaurant; simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
Tips for success
When getting a blood transfusion, check to make sure you're getting authentic tigers' blood.
Tips for success
When your parents tell you to improve your grades, fail all your classes to give them a parenting challenge.
Tips for success
To disinfect your insides, drink hand sanitizer.
Tips for success
Save the planet by starting a Twilight book recycling organization in your town!
Tips for success
Use your baby as a shake-weight.
Tips for success
Spray your food with bug spray on picnics to keep the bugs away.
Tips for success
When in an argument, use a British accent. The other person will believe you are extremely intelligent and therefore bend to your will.
Tips for success
During job interviews communicate with only grunts and tongue clicks.
Tips for success
Next time you see a person who is sick, point and laugh at them... it's the best medicine.
Tips for success
To let your fellow students know you value their hard work, look at their answers during tests.
Tips for success
Always bring a gun to the bank. There could be a robbery.
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