Tips for success
When someone doesn't text you back, make sure to text them multiple times to show how concerned you are about them.
Tips for success
To prevent too much blood from flowing through your veins, eat plenty of sausage daily.
Tips for success
Set loud alarms on your phone to mark the end of each of your classes. Your professors will appreciate the cue to stop talking.
Tips for success
When in doubt, ask the voices inside your head.
Tips for success
Alcohol kills germs. Drink plenty to keep your insides clean.
Tips for success
Time is money. Steal clocks.
Tips for success
Save the planet by starting a Twilight book recycling organization in your town!
Tips for success
When signing up for a dating website, make your username, "Little Kid Lover" to show women that you are serious about starting a family.
Tips for success
To clean your hairdryer, simply submerge it in the bathtub with you. Plug it in to speed up the process.
Tips for success
Like your own Facebook statuses. Your friends will be glad to know that you are happy with your life.
Tips for success
Always have a fat friend... you never know when you'll need to outrun something.
Tips for success
Don't worry what people think. They don't do it that often.
Tips for success
When looking for something, think ahead to where you will look last and look there first.
Tips for success
Don't lose sleep over homework. Simply get everyone else to not do it. You teacher will admire your leadership skills.
Tips for success
Save your breath, you are going to need it to inflate your valentine.
Tips for success
If your laptop ever freezes, simply place it in the microwave on high for a few minutes to warm it back up.
Tips for success
In the memo field of all your checks write, "For smuggling cocaine." The bank tellers will love your sense of humor and probably send you free money.
Tips for success
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Tips for success
When applying to college make sure to accentuate that you are a white middle class American.
Tips for success
When you sneeze don't try to cover it up. The people around you will appreciate your effort to build their immune systems.