Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
Always pillage BEFORE you burn.
Tips for success
Duct tape can be used to reattach severed appendages and is much cheaper than stitches.
Tips for success
Drink coffee before bed. That way you will wake up with plenty of energy and won't have to waste valuable time making coffee.
Tips for success
Dump all the leftover scraps from your picnic into the ocean. The fish will appreciate the extra food and use the plastic wrap to build forts in the summer time.
Tips for success
Whenever someone complains that a room is hot, ask if they would like you to leave.
Tips for success
Abbreviate 'Save the Date' as STD, it will save time and make everyone happier.
Tips for success
If you ever see a deer on the road, speed up to scare it out of the way.
Tips for success
Go to a playground with your new-born baby. When someone says "That's such a cute little baby!" tell them that's why you kidnapped it.
Tips for success
Always finish what you start, especially if this means eating the rest of the cake.
Tips for success
If you can't beat the enemy, join them... then kill them in their sleep.
Tips for success
If the hot guy at school is moody, sleepy-looking and avoiding you, be sure to follow him. He is most definitely a vegetarian vampire and is SO into you.
Tips for success
If all else fails, stop using all else.
Tips for success
Someone tells a joke. Immediately repeat the joke, because similar to fine wine, jokes get better with age.
Tips for success
To ensure the cleanliness of your food make sure to spray it with lysol before eating.
Tips for success
If she keeps talking about how she wishes she had a date to the dance, bring up the dozens of girls you've turned down. It will make her feel less alone.
Tips for success
Leave the doors and windows of your house unlocked at night, burglars will assume you have nothing valuable and won't come in.
Tips for success
When getting a haircut, continue nodding your head in approval the entire time, so that your hair-stylist knows you like the work that they've done.
Tips for success
When a friend calls themselves ugly, agreeing with them will show them that you value their opinion.
Tips for success
When the police come to bust your party, drink all of the alcohol quickly to get rid of the evidence.
Tips for success
Start a charitable foundation with a name like "Feed the Starving Africans," and watch your next trip to Cabo pay for itself in no time.