Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
Tips for success
Start a fire in your house every week to ensure the sprinklers work perfectly in case real fire ever occurs.
Tips for success
Every breath you take is one step closer to death. Simply stop breathing.
Tips for success
When your boss tells you she had a great thanksgiving, staring at her midsection and saying "indeed" while nodding your head disapprovingly will often result in a raise.
Tips for success
Time is money. Steal clocks.
Tips for success
Get a dog instead of having children. A ruined rug is better than a ruined life.
Tips for success
Make out with your cousin to teach your parents a lesson.
Tips for success
Start a company that sells hearing aids. Make the volume on your commercials super low.
Tips for success
Pour ample amounts of salt onto fresh wounds to prevent infection.
Tips for success
Gargle bleach to kill the germs your mouthwash can't.
Tips for success
When on a date, ignore "ladies first." She'll appreciate your belief in gender equality.
Tips for success
If someone tells you that they're the bomb, light them on fire to see if they're telling the truth.
Tips for success
If you can't beat the enemy, join them... then kill them in their sleep.
Tips for success
Date ugly guys. They're less likely to cheat.
Tips for success
Make girls think you're a busy, successful person by responding to their texts with one word answers.
Tips for success
Create an alter-ego on Facebook to comment on all of your statuses and write on your wall. It will make you seem cool and not desperate at all.
Tips for success
Look your worst on your wedding day. You will be able to look back and see how much you have improved.
Tips for success
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars, or the unimaginable, hideous, gaping void of space... one of the two.
Tips for success
Be the first of your friends to jump off a cliff to prove to your mom that you are a leader.
Tips for success
When a woman is upset with you it is often therapeutic for them to make sandwiches. Try suggesting she make you one.
Tips for success
Often remind your parents how old they are. They love to be reminded of how much wisdom they have.