To do list
Sneak into someones house. Instead of taking their tv or computer, steal all their toilet paper.
To do list
Spend thousands of dollars on a Liberal Arts degree. Apply to Starbucks.
To do list
Separate dog food from Lucky Charms.
To do list
Invent bubble wrap that repairs itself for later popping.
To do list
Hike in a national park. See a double rainbow. Break down crying. Have orgasm. Make YouTube video.
To do list
Change name to Simon. Tell people to do stuff.
To do list
Get dog. Name her Payback.
To do list
Find a bruised apple on the shelf. Give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?"
To do list
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones, reroute neighborhood.
To do list
Go to ex-boyfriend's wedding wearing a long white dress.
To do list
Buy a white windowless van. Pretend to have candy.
To do list
Put sign on door that reads "Dumble."
To do list
On Halloween I'm going to dress up as Christopher Columbus. When kids show up at my house I'll take all their candy and then sneeze on them.
To do list
Ignore millions of years of geologically proven patterns. Freak out about global warming.
To do list
Steal doughnut truck. Make cops chase you.
To do list
Go to an orphanage. Start telling "yo mama" jokes.
To do list
Wear my sisters jeans, tell everyone I got in her pants.
To do list
Go to random person's house, put "free" signs on all lawn furniture.
To do list
Put empty cereal box in cabinet. Watch family members have disappointment for breakfast.
To do list
Begin Google search. See top search results. Lose faith in humanity.
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