Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
To do list
Smack kid in the face with bottle of Johnson's No More Tears shampoo. Sue Johnson & Johnson for false advertising.
To do list
Poke pins through ex-boyfriend's condoms. Wash hair.
To do list
Order a glass of melted ice with extra frozen water.
To do list
Drink apple juice in wine glass. Feel sophisticated.
To do list
Live forever or die trying.
To do list
Tell kids we are going to Disney Land. Drive kids to old burnt out factory. Tell kids Disney Land burned down.
To do list
On Halloween I'm going to dress up as Christopher Columbus. When kids show up at my house I'll take all their candy and then sneeze on them.
To do list
Go to a Christian store. Make a purchase that totals $6.66.
To do list
Talk about Fight Club.
To do list
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
To do list
Become clown. Scare children.
To do list
Buy 67 watermelons. When people stare, tell them you are doing research for a math project.
To do list
Go into a crowded elevator and say, "I bet you're all wondering why I gathered you here," with a straight face.
To do list
Have a child. Name it "Drugs." Say no to Drugs.
To do list
Find Lady Gaga. Poke her face.
To do list
Become a teacher. Write a test in which all the answers are "Violence."
To do list
Call 867-5309. Ask for Jenny.
To do list
Go to the airport. Set off the metal detector at security. Tell them that it was probably your abs of steel.
To do list
Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "sorry for the damage." Watch their priceless reaction.
To do list
Fill hands with water. Make sneeze noise behind a stranger and throw water at their back. Comment on how much mucus was in your nose.