Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
To do list
Follow joggers around in a car blasting "Eye of the Tiger" for encouragement.
To do list
Get Facebook account. Mourn my loss of social life.
To do list
Set phone ringtone to crying baby. When phone rings punch bag and yell "SHUT UP!"
To do list
Go to a football game. Hold up a sign that reads "The Guy Behind Me Can't See."
To do list
Name phone "freedom." Let freedom ring.
To do list
Go trick-or-treating on April fools day.
To do list
Buy a pillow. Name it kindness. Smother my foes with kindness.
To do list
Get into an argument. Realize I'm wrong. Continue arguing.
To do list
Go to Civil War reenactment. Murder strangers.
To do list
Invent time machine that only moves forward at normal pace.
To do list
Find a cookie. Tell yourself that eating the cookie is a bad idea. Eat the cookie anyway. Regret eating the cookie. Deal with guilt by eating more cookies.
To do list
Get picked up by a white windowless van. Brag to my friends about how a group of random masked men found me attractive.
To do list
Cheat on fiancé. Push all evidence off the raft. Phone James Cameron.
To do list
Dress up as Santa Claus for Halloween.
To do list
Get a walk-in closet. Design the inside to look like Narnia.
To do list
Eat the thumbs I have been storing in my freezer for the past three months. Mockingly text an apology to my victims. Take a bubble bath.
To do list
Name kid Ed. Tell him he's special.
To do list
Start singing "The Wheels on the Bus" on a public bus, and try to get everyone to join in.