Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyDear Blank Please BlankAttack of the Cute
To do list
Get a job with the U.S. Mint. Get paid to make money.
To do list
Tell small children that the ice cream truck only plays music when there is no more ice cream.
To do list
Put sign over entrance to an empty auditorium which reads, "Ninja Convention."
To do list
Walk to pizza store. Order delivery. Get free ride back to your house with pizza.
To do list
Go to the beach. Bury metal objects that say "get a life" on them.
To do list
Find a burger that actually looks like the one in the commercial.
To do list
Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "sorry for the damage." Watch their priceless reaction.
To do list
Find someone wearing camouflage. Walk into them. Say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there!"
To do list
Break up with boyfriend. Get another cat.
To do list
Open store next to Forever 21. Name it "Finally 22."
To do list
Talk about Fight Club.
To do list
Get a walk-in closet. Design the inside to look like Narnia.
To do list
Convince younger sibling that, like parrots, one can train a hamster to speak.
To do list
Buy treadmill. Hang coat on it.
To do list
Sneeze with eyes open.
To do list
Unwrap a bag of jolly ranchers and cough drops. Rewrap the jolly ranchers in cough drop wrappers, go to school with a "cough."
To do list
Go to Burger King and order a Big Mac. Insist on having it "your way."
To do list
Eat the thumbs I have been storing in my freezer for the past three months. Mockingly text an apology to my victims. Take a bubble bath.
To do list
Name a file "The World". When you're done with it, save it.