To do list
Create a new brand of ice cream. Write messages about how "he doesn't deserve you" on the inside of the container. Make millions.
To do list
Buy stuffed Angry Birds. Go to the county fair and throw them at pigs.
To do list
Fill hands with water. Make sneeze noise behind a stranger and throw water at their back. Comment on how much mucus was in your nose.
To do list
Change name to Destiny. Have a child.
To do list
Get grenades. Play a game of catch with Bruno Mars.
To do list
Smack kid in the face with bottle of Johnson's No More Tears shampoo. Sue Johnson & Johnson for false advertising.
To do list
Invent a bubble wrap that when you pop it, scented air comes out.
To do list
Get socks for Christmas. When opening the present say "Dobby is free!"
To do list
Watch National Spelling Bee. Feel dumb. Watch Sesame Street. Feel smart.
To do list
Bring a sprinkler inside a strip club. Literally make it rain.
To do list
Send PETA animal crackers. Half eaten.
To do list
Go to bookstore. Cut out Waldo in the Where's Waldo books.
To do list
Find all the ways to skin a cat.
To do list
Build a time machine. Kill people who invented math.
To do list
Go to a Weight Watchers meeting. Ask the ladies when their babies are due.
To do list
Walk up to an employee at a Walmart and say "Code 3 in housewares" in a very official voice and see what happens.
To do list
Get tattoo of a grape. Age. See if it turns into a raisin.
To do list
Break up with boyfriend. Get another cat.
To do list
Have a child. Name it "Drugs." Say no to Drugs.
To do list
Get Facebook account. Mourn my loss of social life.
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