To do list
Procrastinate gardening outside. Tend to plants on Farmville.
To do list
Get on your friend's phone, change your name to God, and then text them, "I know what you did."
To do list
While wearing sunglasses and a suit, casually carry a leather briefcase out of an exploding building.
To do list
Attend Bruno Mars Concert. Bring grenade.
To do list
Go to Ikea. Hide in wardrobe. When someone opens wardrobe yell "FOR NARNIA!!!!!!!!"
To do list
Get dog. Name her Payback.
To do list
Create a machine that pairs socks with their long-lost pair. Make millions.
To do list
Buy a knife. Name it kindness.
To do list
Go to the Container Store. Ask where you can find something to contain a body.
To do list
Sneeze in front of the pope. Get blessed.
To do list
Purposely spell words slightly wrong and add them to my roommates Microsoft Word dictionary.
To do list
Hike in a national park. See a double rainbow. Break down crying. Have orgasm. Make YouTube video.
To do list
Marry a guy named Jessie. Have a girl named Stacy. Become Stacy's mom and Jessie's girl.
To do list
Bring bolt to amusement park. Get on roller coaster with someone who looks really scared. When ride starts, hold up bolt and say, "Wait... where did this come from?"
To do list
Buy a bird. Name it "Early."
To do list
Find a cliff and some friends. Jump.
To do list
Go to a Weight Watchers meeting. Ask the ladies when their babies are due.
To do list
Lie down on the ground. Know that the Earth has my back.
To do list
Find a Sicilian. Challenge him to a battle of wits involving iocaine powder, wine, and a pretty lady.
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